Sin V

There is a thin line between a Gourmet and a Gourmand. And it is pretty okay to cross it once in a while. Really, Kevin Spacey or not, It is okay to indulge in good food because that it is its purpose. With so many exotic cuisines abound, this blog, for a change, aims at giving the Gourm(and)et prior notice of what s/he is getting himself/herself into before ordering the "Soup of The Day". It can be embarassing to scream one's head out like I did after ordering "french onion" and finding an egg in it. (Go on, spill your guts laughing). However, this should not be misconstrued for some kind of assurance by this blog that it would provide useful info at any point of time in the future. That being said, let us cut to the plate.

If you are bored to death, you can watch Animal Planet or go to a Zoo or go to a Cambodian Restaurant. If you are a non-vegetarian and you just snort at this, be rest assured that the menu will make you think you are a practicing vegan in comparison. Crab's claws, Squid's eyeballs and Frog's legs are okay if they are on the white basin in a genetics research lab, not on the menu and definitely not on my table. Usually, when I think the menu isnt good, I order a milkshake for fillers. This time, I didnt because I am not Indiana Jones to be okay about having an eyeball for dessert. Thanks to the waitress who looked at our faces, read the lines, gave a wry smile and let us out without a question.
Minus: A menu straight out of the wild
Plus: An experimenter's dream

For moderately spicy food, music that tells you the origin of many a song by hindi music directors and some gorgeous looking waitresses, hit a lebanese restaurant. With most of the dish names sounding curvaceous (Fasolia, Balila and Tabil - I have a feeling these were already used in some thamizh song), and most importantly __all__ vegetarian, it comes down to getting the right combination and enjoying the other bits. Dont worry about the protocol, I remember spreading all the dishes on my bread and eating it like sandwich.
Minus: Curvaceous all right, but the names of the dishes could be more universal. It feels bad when a beautiful waitress giggles at your hopeless pronounciation of the dish.
Plus: Veggie folks, rock on.

For that cattle like feeling, visit an ukrainian restaurant. My salad had a tonne of lettuce. My friends "Kiev Cutlet" had two tonnes of lettuce. My main dish had, guess what, lettuce wraps containing carrot and beetroot. Each wrap the size of a cricket ball, and three of them at that. With our intro of "we are new to russian cuisine" to the owner of the restaurant, and him looking at our plates eagerly, all that we could do was to put a broad smile, make a few "hmmm... thats good" reactions and graze the table. After answering a "you guys enjoyed it" with a thick russian accent by saying "you bet", I felt one with a Jersey Cow. A perfect hangout for Vegans, Pacifists and Eco-warriors.
Minus: Check if you have grown two horns on the way out. It is a distinct possibility.
Plus: Even the water tastes like vodka, or say they say.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Big Bang

"Congratulations Lews. The Ingtar-Lews comet is on its expected trajectory and in around 15 minutes, we would have it crashing into the planet Klendathu as we predicted. With the complete obiliteration of Klendathu due to the impact, we might get some answers to how our universe was even formed. We are going to be part of history Lews, in fact, we are history", said Ingtar, the head-professor of the institute.
Lews was not thrilled. "But sir, what if....", said Lews in an angry tone tearing the paper of the notebook in which he was writing.
Ingtar took his seat in front of his panoramic terminal which would capture the comet making contact. "What if what, Lews ??"
"What if there is life ?? We know we can divert the comet with our weapons. We know we could've did just that with just one directive from our institute, but we didnt. What if there is life that could be saved while we are trying to televise a comet crashing into a planet for some unintelligible scientific reason ?? ", said Lews. The voice that Ingtar heard wasnt the the voice that he usually heard from Lews.
"Unintelligible did you say ??", remarked Ingtar. Ingtar didnt want to lose patience on his best graduate student."My boy, science is everything. science is anything. science is nothing. Let me ask you this. Did you observe the reports given by The Galactic Conqueror on the planet's composition??"
"Uh .. yes".
"Do you think any lifeform would actually prefer to live in that atmospheric conditions, considering the percentage of the poisonous gases ??"
"No".
"Then what makes you think there could be life on that planet, Lews ??", queried Ingtar. He was not going to give up on Lews.

"I do not know, but something tells me there could be life on Klendathu. something. Just a gut feeling", a nervous Lews said toying with the piece of paper in his hand which he had rolled into a ball. He did that when he didnt know what to do next.

"Impact in T Minus 3 minutes", chirped a recorded voice.
Ingtar was now at his educative best. "Son, you are reading too many science fiction novels. They are all-fiction-no-science authors who didnt have a glimpse of Klendathu like we did. What makes you think there is some other intelligent life form out there ?? If there was one in any of the other planets, dont you think they could have tried to talk to us ?? Dont you think we would have visited any planet which had inhabitable conditions and searched for life ?? I suggest you turn to your monitor to watch the impact, you wouldnt want to lose it for your life", said Ingtar, now turning back to his terminal.

"Impact in T Minus 2 minutes".

Lews was still looking pointedly at the paper ball. What Ingtar said made sense. In a way. If there was some form of intelligence, they would have definitely made contact with them. When Klendathu was discovered, and named after one of the great nebulan gods, it was noted for its absolute uninhabitable atmosphere. Life was simply unimagineable in those conditions. Maybe Ingtar was right. Maybe he wasnt.

"Impact in T Minus 1 minute".

"I wish I knew what the people of Klendathu called their planet in their native tongue", said Lews looking up. Ingtar swivelled in his chair. Two of his hands still turning the right controls on The Galactic Conqueror, while his other two hands were cupped together to indicate he was thinking. He looked deeply into Lews' eyes, all six of them, and said "mmmm .. maybe third rock from the sun ??". Ingtar laughed thunderously at his own joke.

Impact in T minus 10 seconds.

Lews opened the paper ball in his hand and looked at his drawing. An image of an hommonus from klendathu, like they show in the movies, with just two hands, two legs and two eyes, holding hands with a femmenus, again looking physically similar. He sighed and took a deep breath. The pure nitrous-sulfur filled his lungs. He shivered at the thought of having to breath oxygen for a living on Klendathu. He looked at the drawings. "I am sorry. I really am". He threw it into the dust bin.

Impact in T minus 1 second.


Credits
========
Eugene M Schumacher
David Levy
Robert Jordan
Robert Heinlein
Bonnie Turner
Terrie Turner

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

VancouBrrrrr

Someone rename this place to that. It is cold. Yes, Alaska is colder but am from chennai where anything below 10degrees celsius is "unusual" and 3degrees is inhuman. 0degrees is only theoretical. When the rest of the city walks with just an overcoat, you are advertising the fact that you are a tourist when you are wearing that skull cap and a pair of woolen gloves. If some paranoid cop is around, you are probably advertising that you are a planning a bank robbery with that skull-cap pulled so close down your scalp. But Thanks, I'd rather dodge bullets than getting partially paralysed.

In certain circles, I am called Rob Mckenna. I think I have the inherent capability of awakening water spirits wherever I go. But this time, the water spirits just didnt wake up. They performed a full-fledged orchestral symphony. It was bright and sunny until the flight reduced altitude into seattle. And then it rained. It rained like God was engrossed in the latest episode of "Kolangal" and forgot to shut down the garden hose. Right from the moment we landed in seattle uptill the time we came to vancouver holding our lives between two arbitrary lanes of the Interstate 5, trying hard to avoid aquaplaning (which I have read only in books) and gruesome death by roadkill (which seemed like reality at one point of time). It was like someone was deputed with the sole purpose of sitting on the top of our car and pour buckets of water on a regular basis. Whoever it was, did it exceedingly well.

But the clincher of the trip was three apparently unconnected events.
A. Me and my colleague deciding to save some costs for the company and deciding to share a room.
B. The stewardess asking more than once if we needed one room or two.
C. Me trying to figure out places to visit in Vancouver and Google sardonically including www.gayvancouver.net

We insisted on having separate umbrellas to walk in the rain.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...