Once In A Blue Moon

A leaves his Virudhunagar home early in the morning with his wife and 18-month year old kid. He makes the trip to Madurai in record time and leaves his family at his wife's place. His son lovingly tugs his shirt asking him to stay. A replies "Baby, I have some very important work to attend to. Let me finish it get back on the double" leaving a kid heart broken and a wife concerned.

B has his business clients from the Ramanathapuram-Tirunelveli belt in South Tamilnadu upto Bubaneshawar in the East. B is an MBA. B also owns an upmarket Honda Civic which none of his other friends have. B manages more than one business at a time. But he would give all that up today. All that, and even more.



C never believed in the 24-hour clock idea. For him, the night began at 10 and then, after an hour or so, it was 8 in the morning. It made perfect sense to him. After all, who would want to do anything at 7 am in the morning ?? Today, for the first time in his 30-year stay on Earth, C realized that there exists something called 4:30am in the morning. He actually pinched himself when we woke up today and immediately vowed he cannot repeat it for any other reason, any time in the future.

D has a big problem. He isn't sure where to go. He can go to Salem, but there is no guarantee he can get one. He can go to Hosur, but he needs a Panzer to travel on Hosur Road. Finally, he sets his eye on Kolar. Heck, he would have gone to hell and beyond if he had to.

E and the missus get stuck in a major traffic jam near home. As they slowly inch their way up the flyover, E gets a good view on why the traffic is jammed. Trying to control himself and failing miserably, E asks if he can just take U-turn and head straight inside. The missus gasps at the general sophistication level of the crowd waiting outside. E is secretly glad the missus never made the trip to madurai cira 1996. Pushing his luck, E asks the missus if she can ride the two wheeler to work alone since he has "some urgent work that has come up". The missus politely indicates her displeasure by breathing a hole through his jacket by breathing fire. E bites the bullet and dutifully obliges by riding to work. But his time will come. In the next two days. It better.

The economy reports a sudden jolt in dairy products, camphor, lottery tickets and card-board.

Hey, Its not every day you have a thalaivar movie released.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Stomp The Yard

Average Joe's list of moonwalkers starts and stops with Neil Armstrong. Average Joe was recently informed that Salsa is not always a sauce. Average Joe pretends to look sloshed every time he is invited to a dance. Average Joe doesn't even dance in his own bathroom. Average Joe strongly believes that he is a few light years away from Dancing. Average Joe couldn't be farther from the truth.

Having Average Joke taking dance classes is like asking a Great White to register in the Summer Swimming Course. Every Average Joe is born with one inherent talent that rears it head when the right time comes by. Welcome to the world of Tappanguthu. In the next few minutes, you, the reader, are going to invoke the Tappanguthu beast that was peacefully sleeping inside you and everyone around is going to have their hearts up in their throat - one way or the other.

The first step to a good Tappanguthu dance is footwork. So, you sway your feet like a peacock or you are nimble like a doe ?? Please continue your grace and choose another art from. Tappanguthu is not for you. Not ever. The real Tappanguthu star is blessed with a complete lack of footwork so much so that he needs to be reminded that he cannot keep two paces on his left leg successively. Tappanguthu has just one major move which is a one-size-fit-all. Imagine a leech charging at your left foot from straight ahead. Kill it with all your might. Imagine another leech, this time at your right foot. Kill it. There is a third leech and a fourth. Even a fifth. An army of them. Now kill them alternating between your right and left foot. By the time you kill the 153rd, your footwork is tuned to Tappanguthu. Take a look at exhibit 'A' - Thalaivasal Vijay in "Kavalaipadade Sahodara". Look at his feet and their synchronized movement. Can he possibly be doing anything else than slowly, but surely, killing leeches ??

The second step is efficient use of hands. The old school believes that the art got it's name from the position of the fists which are rolled in, ready to punch. However, the neo-classicals have decidedly recommended against this. A good Tappanguthu always originates with open palms, which are usually shown at the partners face, chest, hips or other convenient areas. When there are two dancers, they trade the 'kuthu' alternately between each other. While Average Joe A pumps at B's face, B pumps at A's chest. After an agreed number of 'kuthu's, they trade places and continue with the same vigor. A cautionary note: The part where both of them agree on a said number of 'kuthu's is very important to prevent life threatening injuries and is hence highly recommended. Exhibit B has Dhanush and Chaaya Singh from "Manmadha Raasa". Enjoy the bilateral, symmetric exchange of 'kuthus'.

The third step is creative usage of the face. Other art forms strongly believe in the maxim 'the face is the index of the mind' and try hard to fit in all the nine emotions into their curriculum. But considering how difficult it is for the dancer and equally painful for the watching public, Tappanguthu offers to simplify it and creates a singular emotion which encompasses the crux of the art. For want of a better word, we will call it 'Lazy Anger'. To distinguish itself from other art forms which primarily use the eyes to emote, Tappanguthu uses the tongue. Extend tongue. Fold tongue inwards. Clamp it with teeth. When tongue is in place, half close both eyelids. There, Lazy Anger. Exhibit C has Vikram in "Gemini Gemini". Look at the lazy look in the eyes and the anger in the tongue. Just perfect.

The last, and probably the most important, component of Tappanguthu is the pelvis. Legend has it that an American with long sideburns, big glasses and funky hairstyle once attended a three day symposium on Tappanguthu in Vadipatti (in the outskirts of Madurai). Totally floored by the creative juices the locals let flow during their jamming sessions, he took his learning back to his country. His pelvis is now history. The pelvis is to Tappanguthu what the safety pin is to a grenade. Unleash one at the right time, and the effect can be quite explosive. Imagine pumping air into a cyle using an air pump. Now imagine that pump being parallel to the ground. Now go with the music and fill 'em up tubes. Exhibit D has Simbu, Nayanthara and Reema Sen from "Yamma Yamma Yammamma". The sum total of pelvis thrusts, if used with a cycle pump, would have inflated all four wheels of a bulldozer.

I can see you breathing heavily, folding your tongue in anticipation. Your feet are ready to move and you rub your hands eagerly. Your pelvis is off the hook. The Beast is waiting to be unleashed. It demands to be fed. Feed it well with "Vaala Meenukum Velangu Meenukkum Kalyanam".

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...