Onne Onnu, Kanne Kannu (The Only One)

Most of the earliest questions have been answered convincingly - "Is your country filled with cows ??", "Are the streets full of snake charmers ??" and the likes. Thanks to Aishwarya Rai, the IT boom, Anthony Bourdain, National Geographic and YouTube its pretty clear nowadays that we are a country with gorgeous women, nerdy geeks, tasty food, beautiful places and beastly traffic.



Couple of the new age questions, like "Is there a caste system in your country where people have to do the same job that their father did??" or "Is Bollywood _the_ movie industry of the country??" can be handled if we sit down for a discussion. No, unless you are a politician and No, unless expensive and gaudy costumes (with a few notable exceptions) are the primary benchmark for an industry.

There are other questions that are way too easy to answer "Is it true that most politicians in your country are scummy ??" or "Do actors and sports stars stand a better chance to become administrators over someone who might be actually qualified and with a track record in doing that ??". An answer like "its the same darned story everywhere" with a sad face elicits a big empathic sigh and the topic is done.

However, there has always been one question that I had never ever been able to get around answering. "For a country of billion people, for all the talk about being the next superpower, for all the pride about being a part of the oldest civilization, for all the general bravado shown all around, why haven't you guys won a single individual Olympic Gold ??".

Not anymore. Never again. Abhinav Bindra, thanks for breaking the jinx (or our usual mediocrity at the Olympics) by doing something that no Indian had ever done before. Is this going to change the way Pepsi & Coke pump money into Cricket as if there is no other sport in India? Is this going to stop Suresh Kalmadi from pretending as if he himself won an Olympic Gold? Is this going to be a step in building the non-existential infrastructure for the other sports? Is this going to bring about a change in the "recommendation" culture in our sports quotas? Is this going to enable colleges to form an NCAA like organization to foster sports? Who are we kidding? But still, there is at least one less question that we don't have to take anymore and that's good news.

Oh, by the way, smart aleck questions like "So, for all these years, you just have a single gold medal to show and you actually write a blog to brag about it??" would be redirected to /dev/null.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Wham, Bam and Thank You Mr. Defensive End

Few days back I read a post by my friend about his trip to New York in which he describes his distaste for American Football (in his own words, "Fraud Football"). The First Critic screams back at me for filling up a substantial portion of the mail covering the current state of the Steelers after their loss against the Jags on Monday Night Football. My mom thinks watching burly men run around in tights and hit each other's helmets is singulary resonspible for my periodic screaming at everyone. In essence, there seems to be a complete dislike for American Football in the vicinity. Considering the amount of time I spend daily watching/reading/playing it is substantial, there has to be a way for me to justify it. Ergo, this blog.

I am not going to deny the fact that American Football has it's own disadvantages. Their downright reliance on statistics and records for one. "X becomes the first player in the history of the NFL to have scored a 10 yard run on a 3-and-out situation against the Chicago Bears in a Monday Night Football game while trailing by 10 points or more in an away game". This is something similar to saying "Harbhajan Singh becomes the first player in history to score a boundary of the third ball of McGrath's 9th over when India is chasing a score of 224 in 50 overs at Perth". Frankly, who even cares ??

The winner of the Super Bowl is the World Champion. Clap Clap. Hear Hear. Applause Applause. Only, the NFL has 32 teams from the length of breadth of a single country called the United States of America. Even the winners of MLB and NBA are World Champions, but atleast they have one team (Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Raptors respectively) from outside of the US (although many still think "Canada ?? Isn't that our far-northern protectorate ??").

But all this shouldn't take the shine out of the game or the organisation that runs it, the NFL.

For starters, the regular season and its scheduling. The NFL schedules its games in such a way that any given team X would have played all the other teams in the league in a phased manner, atleast once at home and once on the road, within a block of 8 years. No cases of England playing Australia every two years while the Zimbabweans tend their farms and chicken waiting for their next tri-series with the mighty kenyans and the invincible Bangladeshis.

If you are strategically inclined, then American Football is for you. The Offense can Rush/Pass, using a Play Action/ Draw/ Screen/ Reverse/ Double Reverse by giving the ball to the Half-back/Full-back/Wide Receiver/Tight End. At times, the QB himself does the scramble. Not to be outdone, the defense can either choose to Blitz the QB/run a Man Coverage covering the Wide Receivers/run a Zone Coverage for Pass Protection. All this happens for a single play, play after play. If some half-baked NFL fan can sound off so much, imagine the possiblities when two experienced head coaches like Bill Belichic and Bill Parcells go head to head.

Unlike Football (where a handful of players can rest at any given time) or Cricket (where only a handful of players play at any given time), American Football has all the 22 players on the field performing a certain function. Run, Blitz, Protect, Pass, Scramble, Tackle, Sack, Intercept, Fumble, Return, Punt, Block.

To all the Football (Round Ball, 11 players, Remove upper vest on scoring a goal) fans : Have you seen what European Football got reduced to ?? ESPN Star proudly annouces a program which is about "the clubs, the players, their girl friends, their gossips". Sad.

The NFL has a strict substance abuse policy. It would have been "Good Bye Warney" a long time ago.

The NFL has a strict salary cap policy. No Abramovich-ish supermarket-of-a-football-team here.

It appears to be entirely normal to headbutt someone in the chest even if they had not insulted anyone in the immediate family.

Thanks to it's relative unpopularity in India over other games, one doesn't have to put up with
a) a billion experts who have a say on just about anything that happens on the field and seem to know just the right way to run the national team
b) a horde of players asking me to drink/wear/use/drive/eat/invest in/buy something which I have no need for.
c) a dozen tv news channels running a dozen programs with a dozen no-good retired players saying nothing new.
As an added bonus, it gives me that pseudo "hey this guy knows his game" look despite having watched less than 20 games in my whole life.

Lastly, the game is still pristine and untouched by the hands of thamizh movie producers. No rip roaring sequences of "Jeyam" Ravi/"Thimiru" Vishaal/"Manmadhan" Simbu making that game winning touchdown to save the day. Atleast, not yet. Gulp.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Another Week, Another Adieu

But this time it's not a teary one for me like the last week because it is only Michael Schumacher who decided to hang his boots. While more than half of the motorsport fandom mourns his departure, I am going to try and break a few myths about the one man whom I have seen only once, from behind a wired fence, but gone onto detest like never before.



A disclaimer before you proceed further. What you are going to read might hurt. A burning desire to take the nearest sharp object and land up at my door is imminent. Your vocabulary of swear words will be refreshed. Your pillow will go out of shape. An itch to leave an anonymous comment will develop. Before you do all this more:

- If you are one of those fan boys who started watching Formula 1 after or from the 2000 season, just keep watching your race recordings of M Schumacher. I couldn't care less for your opinion on Formula 1, my blog or life in general.

- If you started watching Formula from the 98 season, tell me what made you to follow M Schumacher of all people. I started at the same time and I couldn't bring myself to.

- If you started watching Formula 1 from even before (Senna, Prost and the likes), Yes, do leave your comments with your names. I would much appreciate it.

- If your Formula 1 days started even before, (Villeneuve Sr and the likes), I bow to thee and thy superior knowledge. Maybe you have a valid point about M Schumacher which I cannot see.

Schumacher is the best driver to have ever driven a Formula 1 car

Virender Sehwag scored a century on debut, hence he is greater than The Don. Did I hear you laughing your head off ?? Precisely what I do when one from the "MS for life" club spouts such fundaes. Shall we have a consensus on how it is impossible to compare two people from two different ages ?? Brabham and Senna and Mansell drove in an age which was devoid of so many technical advancements that are available now. Heck, Schumacher is not the best driver to have ever driven a Formula 1 car in his own age, forget all-time great.

Give MS a Minardi, and still he will be a World Champion
I got three numbers for you. 1998. 1999. 2005. Give MS an all-conquering Ferrari and he still cannot win. End of arguement.

MS is the rain master.
Brazil 2003 - MS parks his car a few laps before the race.
Spa 1998 - MS drives on the racing line and extends it to the back of Coulthard's Mclaren.
Hungary 2006 - Tries one overtaking too many and breaks his nose, I mean the car's.
Australia 2005 - As his wont, MS ends his race with Heidfeld's.

Rain Master ?? Bah.

Further, proof that Schumacher can't see well in the dark. Monaco 2004.
Proof that Schumacher can't see well in broad daylight. Shanghai 2005.
Ergo, Schumacher is blind.

MS resurrected Ferrari. If Ferrari is a champion, it is because of MS

Another favorite rant of mis-informed fan boys. If MS is a sea-anemone, then Ferrari is the clown fish. People who have seen MS drive for ferrari in the late 90s swear by his talent and sheer will and I completely agree that it was his resolve that brought Ferrari from the mid-pack to the forefront. But then, there came a point, in the early 2000s where the Ferrari dominance over the rest of the pack gave MS an unassailable lead over his rivals.

Take for example the careers of MS's team mates. Eddie Irvine. People who probably saw him in the Jaguar first would be hard pressed to believe that at one point of time he was a championship contender with Ferrari. Heck, wikipedia reports that had the current scoring system been used then, Irvine would have been World champion in 1999. In 2000, he made the move to Jaguar. He disappeared. Did he actually lose his talent overnight from runner up to nobody ??

Rubens Barrichello consistently finished second to MS in the championship ratings when he was with Ferrari. With Honda, he is competing against Christian Klien and Mark Kubica. Did some ET just steal his talents ??

An year back, all that Felipe Massa did was to whine after every race. This year, our man wins races, blocks alonso and talks about how winning is the only thing that matters for him. So, did he just load a "Champion Driver" program like in the Matrix ??

In short for the impatient, three drivers who seemed to challenge for the world title, are/were reduced to also-rans out of Ferrari. Unless MS comes out and proves he isn't one, (which he would so conveniently avoid with a tearful, heart-breaking farewell speech in Brazil), all that the fanboys can do is to speculate. And before you start, V Rossi did just that.

MS's honesty and commitment leaves me speechless

Believe me, it leaves me speechless too.

In Adelaide '94, MS tries to tell Damon Hill a secret and in the process takes his car out along with his own. If Damon Hill had retained his position, he would have been the champion.

In Jerez '97, MS tries to tell Jacques Villeneuve the same secret, however the FIA decides that he has shared one too many secrets and strips him off his points. Incidentally, had JV been taken out, guess who would have been the champion ??

In Monaco '06, MS inexplicably tries to tell the very same secret to the residents of the principality. The FIA docks him 20 places.

Despite the FIA scheming to stop his wins, MS comes out as a champion every time

Seriously, I lost count of the number of times when an FIA ruling had explicitly suited MS. I am not going to point out the stewards from Italy (from where Ferrari comes from) gave Alonso a penalty which Renault clearly showed was wrong by TV replays. How about the incident at Hockenheim in 2003 when the stewards pushed him back on trace while almost everyone else is asked to leave the car ?? The fact that Hockenheim is in Germany is probably irrelevant.

Renault's mass dampers are off despite stewards ruling it fair. BMW-Williams get accused for having a car with incompatible wheel base. But for some reason, the Ferrari flexi wings and the coolants take their own sweet time to be resolved. You tell me.

Michael Schumacher is a self-made man

Pray tell me if there is a small foot note for the tactical genius of Brawn and Todt somewhere in the biography of Michael Schumacher. Brawn is the guy who once got MS up in first after a fourth routine pitstop. Yes, a fourth pitstop which was routine, you read it right. Todt is the guy who did this small matter of giving MS a car that hardly developed a problem since Hockenheim 2001. Ah, never mind them small fish.

You are plain jealous of Michael Schumacher

I never had any qualms agreeing to the fact that MS is one of the best drivers to have ever driven a F1 car. The 2000 season, a testimony to the fact that one can never underestimate MS and his will to win. The 2003 season where he came back to win after a mishap in the family. MS's cool composure when the back end of his car on fire, and what more, going on to win the race. MS's qualifying lap times which are down until the final few seconds, and then, as the curtains are coming down, in comes a fast lap which is so appropriately described "Michael Magic". People who have been following MS's career from the Jordan days remain unswayed from his fandom, courtesy: his unquestionable talent. To get a good team become a great team shows his self belief and skills. But the problem comes when everyone seems to forget that The Big Red Machine was _the_ important cog in MS's winning wheel. MS this, MS that and a minor thank you to the fantastic pitcrew which gets him out of the pits mere seconds before the challenger. Oh well, what is so difficult in tightening up the screws ??

MS is the seven time World Champion. Now, beat that.

Yes, he has the numbers. I am sure he would win it this year and retire as perhaps the only 8 time Formula 1 world champion for the next zillion years. But then, there is more than just the statistics of Championships that defines a champion in my book. Valentino Rossi is a champion, his winning does not depend on the bike. Lance Armstrong is a champion, he fought against heavy odds both on and off the field. Rahul Dravid is a champion, he doesn't whine everytime he loses. Tom Brady is a champion, he was thrown into the fire and he came out trumps. Gail Devers is a champion, she didn't run behind Vola Patolidou threatening after failing due to a fault of her own. Mika Hakkinen is a champion, he was gracious in victory and defeat. Carl Lewis is a champion, he never cheated. Vishwanathan Anand is a champion, humility is a trait he knows. What Michael Schumacher could ever be is an Eight time winner of the Drivers' Championship in Formula 1 at best. Period.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

A(tta)Gassi

I don't know why I started following you, maybe because you didn't have too many fans in my friends circle in the early 1990s. Maybe because you were the underdog then. Or it was just the hair.

People talk for hours over the aces sent down by the Ivanisevics and Samprases, ask them about your stellar service returns - that whirring forehand flying inches away from the side line or that blistering double-fisted backhand that goes unanswered - and they start talking about last night's mega serial.

Now then, what's with you and five setters ?? Lose one, lose two, come back and win all three. Do you ever get tired of winning five setters ?? It probably gives you thrills, but it makes us lose sleep.

For an entire generation that wasn't old enough to witness the famed Connors-McEnroe rivalry, you gave the Sampras-Agassi upgrade. No one could possibly complain.

When you entered the tennis world, all clad in multi-colored apparel and gold earrings , most of them would have thought that you were one of those showmen who would probably do well in Las Vegas, not on the gruelling tennis courts. You won Grand Slams on all the four courts which many of those famed Wizards could only dream of.

You didn't win the wimbledon like Sampras did.
You are not perfect like Federer.
You never dominated the field like Lendl.
You weren't acrobatic like Becker.
You are not even the greatest tennis player in your own house.

But You made us scream in joy in 92.
You hit gold in 96.
You made us give it back to all those naysayers in 1999.
You gave us that rare moment in 2005.

Agassi. You legend.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...