I feel small, I really do and if __I__ feel so small inspite of all the girth that I carry, you should know how miserable I should feel. It is one of those moments where I frantically hunt for my metaphysical gun to end my misery than to live with the guilt. You would too, if you know what I'm talking about.
Temptation is the great-grand-mother of all evil. And giving in to it is easier than making apple pie. Have you ever been so desperate for something that it when came to you, made a swirl at you, and then disappeared out of sight that you threw caution to the wind and lunged at it without a second thought ?? If not, do not judge me from your high seat. Come down, hold my hands and see what I see and feel what I feel. On second thoughts, dont hold my hands - that is just too sappy. Just listen to what I got to say.
Why did I do it ?? Why oh why couldn't I be like other normal human beings ?? Why do I have this uncontrollable dark desires, to try and do unspeakable things when no one is looking ?? Is it my childhood ?? Yes, like many others, I want to blame it on my childhood. On my upbringing. I blame You God, You cannot give me something, then take it away and make me long for it, then tease me with a glimpse. You cannot make mere mortals go through that. We get tempted, we yield to temptation and we end up in shame. Why God, why ??
It happened in a flash. I turned. I saw and I made my move. Tip-toeing myself into a vantage position, with no one watching me, already dreaming about a blissful night, I put the last part of my plan in action. And there I stood, covering the entire door way, the girl hardly few feet away with a sudden fear in her eyes. Of course, It is not everyday that you have yourself stuck in a cul-de-sac with frankenstein's monster sealing the other end. My child, forgive me for what I am going to do. I am just.....human.
As I reached out to my object of desire, the girl let out a mild shriek of surprise. She knew what I was after. She knew she couldn't do anything about it and it was all as good as over. But the helplessness in her eyes, pleading "dont do this to me, I am so young to be your niece", that is sure to haunt me. Her shriek had came out a tad late, but that was enough. As I tighten my grip and turn around to see if anyone has noticed, planning my silent getaway, I see faces. Confused faces, surprised faces, silently laughing faces and some faces which have "At this age ?? You should be ashamed of yourself" written all across. I knew my game was up. Folks, this is what happens to people who go out of their way to satisfy their tiny little idiosyncracies. Shame. Disgrace. A room full of people looking at you with their eyes boring you end to end, with eyes full of incredulity at what they are seeing.
I collected myself and started walking towards the check-out counter with the "Essential: The Amazing Spider-man Vol. 2" by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko that I just picked. As I walked through the "Juvenile Fiction" section of my library amidst all the regulars/onlookers who have to multiply their age by atleast four to be within touching distance of my age, One half of my mind goes "Can you believe it ?? Stan and Steve in one big collectible edition. With venom, sandman, doc ock, electro, the green goblin - the works. My nights and weekends are not going to be the same anymore." The other half couldn't help sparing a thought for the poor kid who just lost the race to pick the book, only by a mere second, a few feet in height, a few inches in width and few tonnes in meanness. "Am sorry kid, I really am. But this is Stan Lee and Steve Ditko that we are talking about. That, and I can never be a nice guy."
Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...
