A six month hiatus from one's own blog is usually unpardonable. Even if it is one that isn't read by anyone else on this astral plane. Coming to aforesaid blog with a comeback post is shameful. Even if it is one that isn't laughed at by anyone else on any other astral plane.
And then, Michael Schumacher, as his name is usually misspelt (real name: Soomaker), announced his comeback. It was a no-contest between the radiance of my shame (Shame Radiance Reading: Lakshmi Vedi) and the brilliance emanated from Soomaker's (SRR: any explosion on the Pikinni Atoll). I just lost the argument of "Is this comeback post the biggest act of shame in self-promotion". And the margin is monumental.
Surprised at Soomaker's decision to come back? Are you one from the "I am glad God is coming back. Now you will fear His wrath. The Rain Master. The Champion of Champions. No, He is not a cheater. He is not a sore loser. You are. All you Hakkinen/Raikkonen/Alonso fans are. Mummy, this blog says untrue things about Soomaker and hurting my feelings. Mummy, make him stop. You are a bad-bad boy. Mummmeeeeee " club? You came to the right place. Here is an exclusive look into Soomaker's diary.
Nov 3, 2009.
Great news. Kimi not coming back to F1 this year. Should somehow convince Ferrari to take me in. Life is good again.
Nov 7, 2009
Alonso driving Ferrari? Sehr geehrter Herr. Should check if Todt can give second-rate car like we used to give Rubens. Ah, good days back then.
Nov 11, 2009
Ferrari not taking me back. Thank God. Can't complete with Alonso. Got kicked-in-butt twice already with better car. Can't take more.
Nov 15, 2009
Need a car that can make _any_ driver a contender. Hey, how about Brawn ?? If Button, who won exactly one Grand Prix in 9 years exclusively because of rain and a motherlode of luck, can win a championship in a Brawn, I shouldn't do much worse. Right ?? Right ??
Nov 22, 2009
Stupid Vettel. Stupid stupid Vettel. I hate him. Mercedes wants a German driver and this stupid Vettel is an available, talented German driver. Should forge a birth certificate to say he was born elsewhere.
Nov 29, 2009
I love Austria. I love Austrians. Heck, I would love flesh-eating-nanobots if they could tie up Sebastian Vettel till 2011.
Dec 4, 2009
Told Brawn I will be driver #1. As usual, there will be no driver #2-#9. The "other" driver _could_ be #10 or beyond if he goes on his knees and begs for it.
Dec 11, 2009
Remember to pass on "Barrichello's Post Race Interviews" DVD to Rosberg for mental conditioning. Add "Excerpts from Austria 2002" bonus DVD.
Dec 28, 2009
Hurt hip when practicing signature celebration move aka "jump from podium like a chimp". Should use this as an excuse when not winning.
Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...
