Cricolitcs

At first, we saw Politics become like Cricket. MPs throwing things at each other, politicians worried only about their own selves, underhand deals, fight for captaincy and the likes. With our politicians becoming so adept at Cricket stuff, can our Cricket players be far off?

Here are some gems that would make the Greek transfer the Intellectual Property rights to Irony to us.


"The IPL is a domestic tournament and the standard is much lower than a world event where you are up against quality batsmen and bowlers. You don't expect to go to World Cup semi-finals if you play the way the team has played in the Caribbean. Yuvraj has to look at his game. If he doesn't perform for long periods, the selectors will not play him just on the basis of his reputation. Some of the players have got a lot of opportunities, but have not delivered. They have been around for quite a while and the entire country wants performances from them."

As a matter of comparison:
- teenage boys playing cricket in Madurai (one pad on the front foot and no gloves) would be laughed at if they dance around the crease half as much as Ganguly (two pads, two gloves, thigh guard, elbow guard, jewel guard, helmet and what looks like a kevlar suit) does at short pitched balls.

- the only other person who had more opportunities given than Ganguly: Shishupala.


"India's lack of adaptability has been a disappointment. What is baffling is that even though most batsmen showed a distinct sense of discomfort against the short ball during the World Twenty20 in England last year, they were picked again for an event on even bouncier pitches in the Caribbean. All other teams remember what happened last year and the tactics employed by them against the Indians prove this."

This gem about adaptability comes from Sunil Manohar Gavaskar, who greatly adapted from Test Cricket to ODIs with a swashbuckling 36* from 60 overs, and then, according to Wikipedia at least, conceded he couldn't, ermm, adjust to the pace of the game. Let the record also show that it took him 12 full years to really understand that it is possible to score 100 runs within 50 overs. No truer words have ever been said.


"It's hard to put a finger on the exact reason [for the defeat] but of all the tournaments MS Dhoni has led India in, this is the most disappointing. At times you can be stubborn and stick to your ideas but he might want to be a little more flexible in future. Only 73 runs were scored in the last 10 overs despite having nine wickets in hand. There is no explanation for that. Tactically Yusuf Pathan should have come up in the batting order. Selectors will have to look for Twenty20 players who can play in all kind of conditions."

This comes from the man who stubbornly stuck to his idea of "score 10 runs in the first 15 overs when the field is closed in. dont worry if it doesn't make any sense" while the Greatbatches and Bothams of the world were smashing up things right across the road and the Srikanths were doing it at the other end. If only the selectors had looked for players who could play in all kind of conditions in the late 80s and early 90s.


"Obviously if you stay up the whole night, it would affect you. Players should be responsible enough. The game is more important than the parties. Excuses like these cannot be given after you lose. For a player, cricket should come first and everything else is secondary."

Thank you, man who was suspended from international cricket for essentially selling out your team. We really needed a lecture on "cricket should come first" from you.

"I don't think that [attending IPL parties] is a reason. Who was forcing them to attend these parties? They could have said no. I don't think they should say all this. These are silly excuses. Fact is they had gone there to win the World Cup and they just weren't good enough."

Madan Lal's 16-page resume:

- Was kapil's partner when he scored 175*
- Bowled first ball ever bowled in a World cup
- 15 blank pages

Honestly, even Madan Lal's own cricket academy couldn't build his resume beyond one paragraph. But let's face it. Madan Lal's ICL had the star power of zee-tv mega-serial and bhojpuri actors while the IPL struts out the Shetty sisters, the Padukones and the Zintas. The difference in attending the two parties has to be as disparate as the speed gun readings of Madan Lal and Michael Holding.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

IPL Chairman for Nobel

If Einstein can get a Nobel for something we already know, how about our IPL Chairman for this year's Nobel?

Personal Integrity: In the mid-80s, arrested for carrying only 400gms of cocaine (as against the tonnes drug lords usually get charged with), charged with assault and kidnapping (but not anthrax based bio-terrorism) and pleaded guilty (brownie points for honesty) [Courtesy: Wikipedia]

Contribution to the game: Ensured that the current and future generations will have a very short attention span for times to come. Introduced highly cricket-relevant concepts like cheerleaders and a strategic timeout to a game already overflowing with advertisements. Re-vitalized the dreaded "5 days and sometimes no results ?? Test Cricket is a bore" maxim. Didn't contribute a dime to domestic cricket from the billions made from the IPL.

Innovation: Somehow being called Genius for stealing a concept originally formulated by the ECB and introducing it in India. Praised for managing the IPL and making millions when in actuality, making money out of Cricket in India is like saving money using Geico.

Camaraderie: Destroyed the lives and careers of fellow countrymen who played for the ICL for two reasons - the undisputed monopoly enjoyed by the BCCI and just plain spite.

Character: Dated supermodel. Got dumped. Ruined her chances at the IPL contest successfully. Worked hard to deny her an Indian visa. Got shafted by central minister. Attempting to shaft central minister.

And personally, for re-enforcing the fact that Twitter indeed is a garland. We all know what happens to garlands when it falls in the hands of a certain sub-species.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Whatever Happened To Neil Gaiman

Okay, that was a cheap shot. But hear me out. (spoilers ahead)

Its common knowledge that Neil Gaiman is ultra-talented - Novels, Graphic Novels, Films - this man has scored on every field he has played. So when DC gave Batman to Gaiman, it sure sounded like Jimi Hendrix on acid. Only, when I was hoping for "Purple Haze", Hendrix OD-ed and went into "Star-Spangled-Banner-using-teeth-as-pick" mode.

"Whatever happened to the Caped Crusader" looks a lot like "The Wake" from the Sandman series. The lead guy is dead, an esoteric set of friends and enemies appear in the story reminiscing him, and at the end of it all, you guessed it, there is a "we are not done quite yet" moment. It didn't work for me with The Sandman. It didn't work for me with Batman.

I loved the earlier Sandman books. Packed with action, twists and thrills all along. The first four books (preludes, dollhouse, dream country and seasons) of the Sandman series just blew me away and my interest peaked for me with "Season of mists". That should give an idea of what kind of people Gaiman's audience contains - The "dont-get-all-metaphysical-on-me" kind which is actually the "not-smart-enough-to-understand-much-outside-of-an-action-novel".

Clearly, Gaiman didn't dumb it down to my levels in the next few Sandman books, and that's perhaps exactly were WHTTCC left me wanting as well. A superhero novel needs to be a superhero novel. If the author isn't a superhero author, he should perhaps change his style just a little, but only for that series. Frank Miller knew how to do it with his "Dark Knight" books. Alan Moore worked his magic with "The Supreme" which is a stand-out in many ways. Gaiman's time will come soon. Just not yet.

The artwork and inking is outstanding in WHTTCC, the Gaiman touch is prevalent - he makes you look at the characters in a different light, the Gaiman-esque Joker-Batman sketch is top-notch in it's own way. But it feels like walking into Chipotle and being served Wasabi-on-Sushi. Both good on their own, but were they meant to be together?

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...