Brave New World

Every parent worries about sending their children out of home. Even if the kid is the Zodiac killer at heart, somehow the parental genome kicks in. Crucially for both parties, the advice levels are directly proportional to the distance in between. With the New World being a few thousand miles away and images of sun-bathers filling up everyone's psyche, the parental genome works overtime and goes on overdrive. Worried fathers and harried mothers, we present you - The Bay Area.

For the home-sick, there is no other area better suited than the Bay Area. I hear people from Edison and other other parts of New Jersey object. Gentlemen, I agree that you can spit outside and wash your hands after dinner on the road in Edison, but can you ever dream of wearing a viking cut-banian and kibs mark lungi and walk ?? The atlantic winds will freeze you to death. In the bay-area, your neighborhood clan will recognize and walk up to you to share some local information on the price of vegetables in india in your local tongue.

Being stuck in a traffic snarl, can be an enlightening experience in buying patterns. A toyota in front of you, another toyota behind you, yet another toyota by your side, some more toyotas up ahead, more and more toyotas on the opposite lane. Change toyota to honda. Repeat. No wonder one would realise why GM is facing a financial crisis. Its the MPG honey. or so everyone thinks.

Scenes from a temple are nothing different too. Pillayar takes a shower with Tropicana. The priest, for a change, asks "Any more archanais" in agmark tha-nglish. While the middle-aged dad professes his linguistic skills starting every second statement with "you no whaaaat i saiyee", the 10 year old son goes "dad, gimme a break" in impeccable american. But still, the most crowded part in any temple at any given point of time is the free prasadam stall and people still leave their footwear inside their cars for fear of losing them. Told you so.

Apartment complexes are a walkover. Literally. There is a story of an american knocking the doors of an Indian asking where a certain Mr. Ted Smith lives. Legends have a way of feeding themselves, but the general consensus is that our home-grown Indian thought for a while, scratched his stubble and told the american that there are no foreigners living there. What the legends missed out is that on a later day, our man received a copy of the Oxford World Atlas and a Merriem Webster dictionary.

Friend of a friend lands here from Charlotte, North Carolina (the rough equivalent of Madhuravoyil, Chennai or Kengeri, Bangalore). Tells everyone he is here for a good time. Everyone agrees. Picks his list of places to visit. Reads out list. Saravana Bhavan. Pauses. Surveys the room to see everyone rolling on the floor laughing. Yep, For other cursed souls from the mid west - Idaho (Idly ?? You sure you are not confusing anything with Bruce Lee??), Missisipi (Sambar ?? Sir, no. we serve chicken and meat, but no deers), Wisconsin (Yes sir, thats pure vegetarian. It has chicken though) and Milwaukee (Vegetarian ?? We have some lettuce for breakfast. Some more lettuce for lunch and if you are going to come back, the remaining lettuce for dinner) - you have your redemption next corner. Heck, every corner. As long as you, the eater, safely lock your mathematical capabilities back in your closet, you get to eat what you want to. But as things will have it, most of us eat, breathe and think the exchange rate which can cause quite a few hiccups for anyone who is here on a short-term visit and the letters "Save Big Big Money" inscribed on their bed room walls.

Welcome to The Bay Area. Where most americans look you in the eye and give you a "hey, how are you doing" as they go by. Where most educated indians look through you like you were a ghost.