Kingdom Come

"He has to be here somewhere. Look again"
"I found him"
"Where ?"
"There !!"

What follows next leaves you with a feeling you cannot explain in words - like a sunset in sandy island or a layup in the dying seconds of a game - Indy on top of a german U-boat with the theme playing in the background, stopping just a second for a salute and then disappearing. That scene captures the entire spirit of the Indiana Jones series. "How did he get to the submarine without being spotted ??" "Its a submarine, how can he hide _outside_ ??" "It's the whole German army against 1 man ??" - these questions apply to mere mortals, not to Dr Henry Jones Jr.

I am admittedly an Indy fanboy. The one who looks at the replica hat at the disney store who later sighs at at the price tag, the one who sings the theme in full gusto while going on the Indy ride while other adults look on amusedly, the one who will argue endlessly about how Temple of Doom is far superior and highly underrated. Naturally, the expectations rocketed beyond the outer-most-osphere. Usually when they do that, they come down with a resounding thud. So read this review at your own risk.

After multiple viewings of the trilogy on DVD over the years, and two marathon viewings of all the films (in pieces) over the last weekend, I knew exactly how fans of Star Wars would've felt waiting for the midnight showing of "Phantom Menace". At about 3am this morning, I still knew how Star Wars fans felt _after_ watching "Phantom Menace".

Here is a sneak peek from Spielberg's production notes. There are spoilers abound, so watch out.

On a lazy saturday afternoon after having two eggs for breakfast and scratching the lower chin

Yawn, I've made one too many serious films and I just want to relax. Look at that Soderbergh guy who goes on a vacation with an ever-growing entourage of stars every two years only to shoot a home video and release it as an Ocean movie. Can I make Jaws 5 ? or Jurassic Park 4 ? Or are they off their shelf life already ?

Hunting game at Skywalker Ranch

Splendid. Ford is bored after his critically acclaimed, smash hit films like "Firewall" and "Hollywood Homicide". Lucas just realized that he can't go on milking Luke Skywalker forever. As they say, it takes three to tango. Background music start.

After watching a sweaty Lucas trying to blather something on the lines of "phantom, clones, revenge"

Lucas acted a bit strange today. When I said I am planning a sequel to an iconic series after 19 years, he hid all copies of "The Phantom Menace" before offering to help. Should enquire further.

After encountering a serious director's block

Hmm, we had the truck chase in RotLA, the rail car chase in ToD and the tank chase in LC. Today, Ford is approaching the age when he plays roles like Presidents (absolutely no need to overwork oneself) and Software Experts (-ditto-). George wants an intensely-CGI filled car chase where no one knows whats going on. Incidentally, he also owns ILM. Enquire this further too.

Desperate to get an idea and accidentally sitting on an ant hill

We did snakes, we did bugs, we did rats. What shall we do now ?? Think Steven, think. Ah, let us do Ants. A lot of fake-looking CGI ants. There.

Weighing up the paying public

Snake gag, check.
Whip gag, check.
Hat gag, double check.
Now the audience will forget everything else and agree its an Indy movie. Thank goodness.

After watching "Queen Elizabeth" and "Beowulf" in makeup

Its funny how many people said okay to be in this film without even reading the script. Take Cate Blanchett, the Meryl Streep of this generation, who just gave her nod for a terribly one-dimensional character. Wait till she meets Jim Broadbent, Ray Winstone and William Hurt who have no-dimensional roles. Chuckle, chuckle.

Planning for the future

We are planning to shoot the last sequence tomorrow. Now that Ford cannot do another movie, George and I have planned to have a symbolic scene where he hands over his whip and hat to LeBeouf. Then, we can continue to make a truckload of money with direct-to-video movies, young Mutt Williams/Jones III tv shows, an animated series on MW/J3, MW dolls with funny limbs and a string of blockbusters for memorial day weekends.

After getting horrible nightmares of being tossed around by fans

Yes, I re-shot the transition scene. Now all you fans, allow me to make another Indy movie. Tan ta dattan, tan ta dan, Tan ta dattan, tan ta dan tan tan.