Repeat After Me

1. Change That Tag

So, what are we ?? software engineers. A statistic : If every 10th person is an indian, every 7th person is a chinese, Every 3rd would probably be a software engineer. And guess what it does to our already depleted sense of humour ?? If the girl keeps talking the same thing, we laugh tell her she is in "an infinite loop" (bwahahahaha) and if she doesnt understand something then we ask her to "switch to an interrupt context" (muahahahaha). The girl runs miles before you even think of anything to whisper in her ear. Can't blame her really. With bangalore overflowing with our kind, and more often than not, every man competing against each other without a sense of brotherhood, where is that USP for a software engineer ?? Shouldn't there be something that makes the girl think that one more time inspite of such appalling sense of humour ?? If we were meteorologists, or paleontologists or atleast gasteroenterologists chances are that the girl would think twice since these would be seem to be cool professions in the girl's clique where the norm is a software engineer. Something like bragging with a broken down ferrari amidst all those camrys and vitaras. Make a decision, throw the monitor out of the window and start digging for fossils. Godspeed.

2. Never Hunt In Pairs

Havent we seen enough movies already ?? This plan of "you find the right girl for me, and i would find the right girl for you" usually works in only one way. "Hopeless Hero" does his part pretty well and the girl he found for "Fiendish Friend" swoons at the mention of anything that remotely sounds like his name. Perfect. The predestined girl was all set to fall for HH, and according to the grand plan, came to HH's place one day, read all his poems, music tapes and other romantic stuff, but then either our HH so intelligently wrote all his stuff using FFs name as pseudonym or the poems were piss poor that she started hating HH so hard and fell for FF on the rebound. As a consolation prize, HH gets to be the witness at the grand marriage ceremony and if he is really lucky, gets to sing that standard "Unna nenachen, paatu padichen" ("I sing thinking about you") outside the showerroom for once. Things are even-stevens now.


3. You Are Always Scratching A Level Down

You got a 180 cc bike, the girl just graduated to a 350cc thunderbird. You stretch a bit, cutting on that fancy shades, super-cool sneakers, and manage a thunderbird, but the girl just realised that its difficult to ride in the rain. you borrow a 800 from some long lost relative who has hardly seen you for the weekend, but zen rules. you beg for a zen with another friend, but ain't the chevrolet optra looking cool ?? you steal an optra, when she just set her eyes on a landrover. Optra turns out to be the incumbent MLAs. You get arrested and go to jail. Girl lives happily ever after. Credits start rolling.


4. The Golden Rule

The girl is taken. Yes, you read that right. The girl is taken. If you are really drooling over someone, having all those strange dreams running around in all whites, chances are she is taken and the chances are 100%. Frankly, What makes you think that the girl is going to wait playing bhajans, when you are as old as four donkeys ( this "four donkeys" is patently thamizh and is attributed to people, whom others think ought to have been married atleast once by now, while in reality, the guy pledges his life to finding life on mars than finding a girl) ?? Although it still hasnt been conclusively proven if guys fall for taken girls or if the girl is eventually taken because the guy fell for her, its just that it works that way and the gods are under no obligation to explain why it is so. The bottomline is that, once you start getting all those mushy-mushy dreams, mail-order a hurricane light and a shawl, preferrably a black one with red and white strips on it, anytime soon to walk into the sunset.

5. The Other Golden Rule

Never look for advice in blogs. I mean, blogs, what are they ?? They are just textual representations of someone's neurotic self. If one actually came down to reading blogs looking to lighten up his love life, oops, things are worse than they seem. Such desperation can be hard on the digestive system. But do not lose heart, you just picked the last straw. Usually, in such cases an outside chance springs up from nowhere, when the girl actually gets to know of this plight of reading blogs, maybe you'd win by a sympathy wave. Remember to share the good news if something works, or else you would be cursed to spend the rest of your life with some "backstreetboys-are-god" girl. Until then, have andhra meals and majaa maadi.