Gen-Y

The Nephew is screaming "Aaaaaooooeeeee", which translates to "I want something and you don't even seem to make an attempt at getting me that, despite the fact that it means that you need to drop whatever you are doing and vanish in a puff of smoke to get it done. You are in no way like that genie from that story". Usually, the "something" is either a broomstick, or a bulb or a water bottle - things easily accessible or even remote controlled. But then, his parents went out of their way to buy a new train toy and since then "something" has become "train". No, not tiny little toy trains which run around in circles while you pretend to be interested. We are talking big, noisy Caltrains at the station thats too close for a drive and too far for a walk.

The scream started at a less-than-ideal hour. Dad is busy designing packet-switches and isn't home yet. Mom is very busy reading this big huge book on Java. Aunt is busy splitting prawns wide open for dinner. By the process of elimination, that leaves Uncle who is extremely busy reclining and watching the Celtics-Lakers game.

Nephew realizes the futility of being left with lazy bum uncle. Nephew knows uncle won't move an inch if the game is good. Nephew notches up the volume a bit to pass on the message.

Uncle is watching Kobe and Gasol and KG and Pierce make a game out of it. Uncle is also wickedly thinking of ways to handle the situation at hand without Mom and Aunt realizing that. Of course, Aunt cannot know that Uncle is trying to work around baby sitting duty, lest he will know what it means to be a dead prawn. Rock, Uncle, A Hard Place - in that order.

And then, a bulb glows brightly overhead. Take this, nephew. And that. And even some more. The crying disappears like it was the box-office for Indy IV after the first weekend and is replaced by "ishishish" which translates to "you are definitely not the best uncle around, but for now, you will do". Uncle can live with that. Uncle reclines back to watch the game and just around that time, very symbolically, truth runs over Uncle like one of them trains.

Generation Y(ou Tube) is no myth. Not anymore. It has arrived well and truly, and it lives 10 feet away. It is now currently giggling away to glory looking at all those sleek looking trains. Uncle slowly retreats into uncle-hood with violin background music and contemplates on taking a pension policy.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Kingdom Come

"He has to be here somewhere. Look again"
"I found him"
"Where ?"
"There !!"

What follows next leaves you with a feeling you cannot explain in words - like a sunset in sandy island or a layup in the dying seconds of a game - Indy on top of a german U-boat with the theme playing in the background, stopping just a second for a salute and then disappearing. That scene captures the entire spirit of the Indiana Jones series. "How did he get to the submarine without being spotted ??" "Its a submarine, how can he hide _outside_ ??" "It's the whole German army against 1 man ??" - these questions apply to mere mortals, not to Dr Henry Jones Jr.

I am admittedly an Indy fanboy. The one who looks at the replica hat at the disney store who later sighs at at the price tag, the one who sings the theme in full gusto while going on the Indy ride while other adults look on amusedly, the one who will argue endlessly about how Temple of Doom is far superior and highly underrated. Naturally, the expectations rocketed beyond the outer-most-osphere. Usually when they do that, they come down with a resounding thud. So read this review at your own risk.

After multiple viewings of the trilogy on DVD over the years, and two marathon viewings of all the films (in pieces) over the last weekend, I knew exactly how fans of Star Wars would've felt waiting for the midnight showing of "Phantom Menace". At about 3am this morning, I still knew how Star Wars fans felt _after_ watching "Phantom Menace".

Here is a sneak peek from Spielberg's production notes. There are spoilers abound, so watch out.

On a lazy saturday afternoon after having two eggs for breakfast and scratching the lower chin

Yawn, I've made one too many serious films and I just want to relax. Look at that Soderbergh guy who goes on a vacation with an ever-growing entourage of stars every two years only to shoot a home video and release it as an Ocean movie. Can I make Jaws 5 ? or Jurassic Park 4 ? Or are they off their shelf life already ?

Hunting game at Skywalker Ranch

Splendid. Ford is bored after his critically acclaimed, smash hit films like "Firewall" and "Hollywood Homicide". Lucas just realized that he can't go on milking Luke Skywalker forever. As they say, it takes three to tango. Background music start.

After watching a sweaty Lucas trying to blather something on the lines of "phantom, clones, revenge"

Lucas acted a bit strange today. When I said I am planning a sequel to an iconic series after 19 years, he hid all copies of "The Phantom Menace" before offering to help. Should enquire further.

After encountering a serious director's block

Hmm, we had the truck chase in RotLA, the rail car chase in ToD and the tank chase in LC. Today, Ford is approaching the age when he plays roles like Presidents (absolutely no need to overwork oneself) and Software Experts (-ditto-). George wants an intensely-CGI filled car chase where no one knows whats going on. Incidentally, he also owns ILM. Enquire this further too.

Desperate to get an idea and accidentally sitting on an ant hill

We did snakes, we did bugs, we did rats. What shall we do now ?? Think Steven, think. Ah, let us do Ants. A lot of fake-looking CGI ants. There.

Weighing up the paying public

Snake gag, check.
Whip gag, check.
Hat gag, double check.
Now the audience will forget everything else and agree its an Indy movie. Thank goodness.

After watching "Queen Elizabeth" and "Beowulf" in makeup

Its funny how many people said okay to be in this film without even reading the script. Take Cate Blanchett, the Meryl Streep of this generation, who just gave her nod for a terribly one-dimensional character. Wait till she meets Jim Broadbent, Ray Winstone and William Hurt who have no-dimensional roles. Chuckle, chuckle.

Planning for the future

We are planning to shoot the last sequence tomorrow. Now that Ford cannot do another movie, George and I have planned to have a symbolic scene where he hands over his whip and hat to LeBeouf. Then, we can continue to make a truckload of money with direct-to-video movies, young Mutt Williams/Jones III tv shows, an animated series on MW/J3, MW dolls with funny limbs and a string of blockbusters for memorial day weekends.

After getting horrible nightmares of being tossed around by fans

Yes, I re-shot the transition scene. Now all you fans, allow me to make another Indy movie. Tan ta dattan, tan ta dan, Tan ta dattan, tan ta dan tan tan.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

The Name Game

Rajasthan Royals

Jaipur, Ajmer, Jaisalmer, Bikaner, Jodhpur, Udaipur - yep, we get it, they have all the moral right in the world to name their team Royals. Secondly, they also stayed true to Team Naming Conventions 101 with their "double initials" (RR). Try saying San Antonio Spurs and Los Angeles Lakers. Now try saying Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Minnesota Timberwolves. See what I mean ?

Delhi Daredevils

Totally cliched alright, but then what else would you call a team that is represented by an actor who jumps buildings to flick a thumbs-up and led by a player who aspires to reach his double/triple-hundreds with a sixer ? Delhi doesn't score high on originality, but definitely gets it right with appropriateness.

Deccan Chargers

Well yes, they picked Laxman as their icon despite knowing clearly well that their matches are _not_ played in Sydney against Australia, but hey their name is catchy and slots in the name of their sponsors without being ugly-conspicuous. Mission accomplished.

Chennai Superkings

First, it is still Madras for many. It was and will always be. And when one hears the name "Chennai" being murdered in foreign tongues, it makes it all the more true. Second, the thamizh guy's English vocabulary is slightly larger than "Super", "Rascal" and "Mind It". Try harder next time.

Bangalore Royal Challengers

So tell me this. Isn't Mallya the liquor baron who owns the brand Kingfisher ? Isn't Shaw Wallace one of his fiercest competitors ? Incidentally, isn't Royal Challenge (RC for the initiated) one of their brands ? So, are you telling me that Mallya invested heavily in this team to give it the name of his competitor ? Yep, being in the midst of Kingfishers and Royal Challengers can do this to you. Proof: The Bangalore team which shows signs of serious inebriation.

Punjab Kings XI

This is exactly what happens when you stay awake all night for lavish launch parties buring hard earned money earned starring in such timeless classics like KANK, CCCC, JBJ and then select a team name with the hangover intact. It was like someone stood up groggily, picked out the LCM of all the names (2 Royals, 1 Knight, 1 King), suffixed a number to it and then continued with getting wasted. Heck, I would have been happy if a spinning mill from Tirupur had bought the team and called it Punjab Sudarmanis.


Mumbai Indians

This would have been a brilliant PR movie if all the other teams had imported players from Lesotho, the audience brought in from Suriname and the venues spread across Papua New Guinea. Unfortunately for Ambani, this looks more boneheaded than it should. At least he has something to show to his brother during the court visit.

Kolkatta Knight Riders

And the winner is, Kolkatta. For being bold and breaking the mold by dedicating their team name to the ethos of Brokeback Mountain. They also have the only other thing that makes the team name look better. Those team helmets. Ramarajan/ Govinda/ Jaggesh/ Junior NTR looks like Calvin Klein.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

NSHOTB

There is a saying : What starts well, ends well. Ironman, the New Super Hero On The Block, gets that just right. A fast-talking Robert Downey Jr, showing some "Tony Stark" attitude and downing some alcohol while "Back In Black" plays in the background. Ironman, you have arrived and arrived in style.

I am not a big fan of the Iron Man novels, so much so that I started digging up comics only after I saw the trailer. Even that was primarily due to the namesake soundtrack. And am glad I did. Marvel has had great success with it's super hero franchises, but almost all of them have their best days behind them. After two splendid movies in the series, the Spiderman and X-Men movies have hit a trough with their third. Ang Lee had great visions for the Hulk, but after a major overhaul, the series hopes for Norton to give it a boost. The Fantastic Four movies were terrible anyways (Jessica Alba included). To top that, Marvel just started their own studio and a success was needed more so than ever. Enter Robert Downey Jr.

Having someone say a movie's success is attributed to, of all things, Downey is similar to attributing success to a Silambarasan or Van Damme - entirely laughable. I would've too, only he gave sufficient notice with his brilliant performance in Zodiac. Downey plays the irreverent-rich-whizkid turned womanizing-hard-drinking-billionaire turned high-flying-innovator turned impulsive-crime-fighter like second nature. Be it his "Merchant of Death" speech at the beginning of the movie, or his impulsive blurt at the end of it, Downey fires a salvo at everyone who thought he was yet another hollywood-made alcoholic wreck.

Favreau has got many things right in this movie - a tight script (IMHO, could've been a bit longer), staying true to the origins of the character, enjoyable humor, visible nods to future directions in this series (loved Rhodes' "next time, baby"), a well-performing cast with Paltrow and Howard and the subliminal choice of Downey as Iron Man, probably because what lies ahead for Iron Man is what lies behind for Downey.

There are interesting times ahead for Marvel. They are trying to establish what they did in comics/novels into movies - which is to weave a broader arc with all their major superheroes. Tony Stark has a cameo in the upcoming Hulk movie, Rhodes gives a hint of where he is headed, S.H.I.E.L.D is in, there is a mention of the Avenger initiative (and you know who else is in by that). Add the 25c/copy sale of comic books that we found yesterday. There is no better time to be a comic book fan.

Iron Man treads oft-treaded territory where a Superhero is intentionally made to look more human than hero. Iron Monger is no Magneto nor Green Goblin. But still, its a great start to a promising series as long as Downey stays on-board. Its not my top Super Hero movie, that would still be Batman Begins followed by a bottomless chasm, but Iron Man has a refreshing feel after enduring the pain of X-men-3 and Spiderman-3. If nothing seems to interest you enough, go and watch it just for the stan lee cameo, the end-scene after the credits with someone you know from before or Gwyneth Paltrow. Heck, just go watch it for Gwyneth.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Dasavatharam

It has become the moral responsibility of any thamizh guy to write about this upcoming movie. Of course, we all know what incalculable hype does to a movie (Baba, Matrix Revolutions). Here is hoping it doesn't do the same to this one. Most blogs have a link to the trailer, then interpret what each frame means. This blog aspires to join in the mindless mayhem and aims to throw a punch or two. Heck, we remember how everyone concluded that "Old Kamal" is a hitlerian plotter after watching the trailer of "Indian". We also know how prophetic that turned out. Remember that after you watch the movie.

1. Its a movie set in different time-lines linking people to a common thread. So is it Darren Aronofsky's "The fountain" where Kamal is after the exact same thing in each of his "incarnations" ?

2. There is a crazy scientist and a president, both played by Kamal. Could it be Stanley Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove" where one Kamal tries to destroy the world, the other is easily influenced by people around him, yet another tries to save the world, while the fourth probably drops the proverbial Nuke ?

3. There are admittedly a bunch of people sharing similar traits, and Kamal is running around in a room full of vats. I hope its not Michael Bay's "The Island" where Kamal realizes he is a clone and tries to figure out his other selves ?

4. There is a big,fat, presidential body-guard look-alike. Is it going to be some sort of a Bizzaro recreation "In the line of fire" by Wolfgang Petersen ?

5. We see kamal carrying an idol and running away from all and sundry with Asin on his side. Is this Kamal playing Robert Langdon from Dan Brown/Ron Howard's "Da Vinci Code" and saving a religious artifact that could potentially 'shake the roots of an entire religion' - something that Kamal would be glad to do for free ?

6. Cars flying everywhere, regular song sequences, explosions. No, not just another KS Ravikumar pseudo-entertainer. After 2+ years in development hell, numerous posts on when and if this movie will ever see the light of the day, an interminable court case, Kamal, Ravichandran and all Thamizh movie fans deserve infinitely more than one of KSR's Cookie Cutters.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Neighbor's Envy Owner's Pride

On the way to the carwash

"Sir, your keys ??"
"Here"



"But Sir, I need your keys"
"These are my keys"
"But sir, there is no key"
"Ah, you have noticed, yes"
"So I need the key, sir"
"But this is the key"
The serviceman is bewildered, and then I explain everything, followed by a smirk and a closing tagline for the blog, "Neighbors Envy, Owner's Pride", everyone who visits the blog laughs hard.

At the carwash,

"See, you know .. "
"Yes sir, I push the button it starts the car".
This without even turning around to look at me.

Now I know how it feels to have a dozen eggs on the face.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

No Planet For Normal Men

After watching bits and pieces of a few matches from March Madness (or The NCAA 2008 Men's Basketball Championship), I see this : Any time a close match gets over, after a cursory shot of the winning team celebrating, the camera quickly pans to a guy from the losing team who either has his covered in a towel, is looking at the basket in disbelief or openly crying on his coach's shoulder.

The single biggest problem that many Indians in the Bay Area have is that there are "Indians everywhere". This sentiment is usually expressed while gorging on Roti-Dal in an Indian restaurant.

That guy, who just changed lanes without a turn light and squeezed his car inches before the one behind, has a "Caution: Baby on Board" sticker.

Talking the talk : Criticizing all and sundry on Global Warming.
Walking the walk : Buying a cloth bag for $0.50 instead of sheepishly picking a gazillion free plastic bags.
Current score : Talk leads Walk by a few billions.

Every time an American/European fails to spot, say Bangladesh, in a map, people snicker. When given an opportunity to spot Burkina Faso in the same map, aforesaid people scratch their head.

QED.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

The Five Lights

is a crowded place in Kodamabakkam. But what is more relevant now is that they are about to go out in Melbourne this weekend.

Can you empathize with the feeling of

- being run over by a container truck that was coming downhill while you were cycling uphill on hearing Mika's sudden retirement after a disastrous 2001 season (in spain, where he was leading by ~30 seconds, his car just died on him in the last lap - a singulary good enough reason to retire, imho)



- having to watch "Snakes on a plane" over the "Godfather" because that was the only movie available in the DVD store when DC was announced as the lead driver for Mclaren?

- watching Laxman walk in to bat against Australia with the balance hopelessly tilted against India knowing in your heart of hearts that something spectacular is going to happen when Kimi joined Mclaren ?

- being hit with a Maai-geri, Yoko-ke-agi, Yoko-ke-komi, Mawashi-geri and rounded off with a Ushiro-geri, all in quick succession, when watching MS rack up victory after victory with his super-performing-car and team orders in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2004 respectively ?

- seeing Scorsese sit out yet another year in the audience when some random guy walked up to collect the Best Director's oscar when Kimi get tantalizingly close to the 2003 C'ship only to miss out in the last race ?

- elation watching MGR belt the crap out of Nambiar singing "Naan aaNai ittal" when watching MS getting his butt kicked in 2005 ?

- jubiliation when Aamir Khan hit a last-ball-six against the british in "Lagaan" while watching MS getting his butt kicked two years in a row ?

- relief watching Tom Hanks overcome that monster wave in "Castaway" for not having to hear MS give a patronising "I retire on my own terms and as a winner"

- being a recently-defected KGB agent in a meeting at Langley, when shifting loyalties to Ferrari in 2007 after a tumultous 8-years with McLaren

- having switched queues, only to find the older queue moving super-fast and the new one standing still when Hamilton was becoming what Kimi should have become

- Knowing what comes next when any team took the field against the Australians in a world cup final as Kimi entered the last race having only a mathematical possibility of winning the championship

- Knowing clearly well that Gandalf was dead, but still hoping against hope for him to make some sort of a comeback in TTT or ROTK when checking f1.com's live timing in the middle of a fun trip only to see Kimi second, Alonso third and Hamilton outside the points ?

- absolute disbelief at realizing Verbal Kint was Keyser Soze when the computer was shut-down forecefully by your friends because it was check-out time at the hotel and you were being a insensitive idiot for spoiling a pleasant weekend with this ?

- being super-imaginative like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost running through their escape plan to beat armies of zombies in 'Shaun of the dead' while creating outrageous scenarios where Kimi would just flip out of the race due to some whacko reliability issue as always ?

- solace like Truman Burbank as he walks out of the set, never to go through the same hell-hole ever again, when receiving that call which said Kimi was the 2007 Formula 1 World Champion ?

- genuine satisfaction a mastercard ad with the "Priceless" tagline gives while being happy for 7 years of sticking to your guns defending Kimi against friends and anonymous strangers and not having to jump on the MS bandwagon

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

RIP Sujatha

Writer/ Technologist/ Critic Sujatha (Rangarajan) has passed on to the Other Side. The thamizh writing landscape will never be the same without Sujatha. Sci-fi (Juno, the AI dog and a dystopian future), hero-and-wisecracking-sidekick (Ganesh & Vasanth), his innumerable twist-in-tale short stories (thoondil kadhaigal), technology articles (yen edharku eppadi), his movie adaptations - which didn't turn out as good as the books (Priya, Vikram), his critiques (katradhum petradhum), his innovations (being part of the team that worked on Electronic Voting Machines), his screenwriting abilities (almost all kamal and shankar movies have his strong influence) - Sujatha's work is a myriad collection of many genres.



Despite the legions of his fans, I will always think of him as an unsung hero who never got his due. He was well ahead of his peers in his writing . Just like many other wonderful books, the directors who adapted his works to movies or tv shows never got close to where Sujatha would have set them to be. His sci-fi novels did not set the thamizh sci-fi scene on fire. If only Sujatha was born either in Europe or in the United States, he would have been hailed as one of the greatest writers of his time, with most of us reading his paperbacks on airplanes. But in one of the cliched cruelties of time, for his country, Sujatha probably came a generation too early (rather, we, as fans, came a generation late).

Looking at my reading habits now, I can see it bears Sujatha's influence. I always hoped to send him some of my short stories (rather, what _I_ call short stories) and hoped to receive a "they suck totally, but hey, thats a start" comment from him, only to get back and write at least one story that would be readable so that I can tell him that he was indeed an inspiration.

Find infinite peace wherever you are, Sujatha. You will always be remembered by a billion Ekalyvas.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Run Forrest Run

Motivation to run is very much like ear-popping when driving down a mountain. No one is born with ears popping, it just happens. Same with running. Bully at school counting on your assignment writing skills, glass windows broken to pieces with the bat in your hand, girl friend's mega-rich dad with mega-sized goons- there are so many reasons. As an aside, I love running too, but for slightly different reasons. Ah, Imagine the setting sun, a lonely hill side, bursting biceps, taut triceps, hard-as-nail hamstrings, carved-up calves and a silhouette. Wait, Thats Sylvester Stallone from Rocky IV. Now, imagine a big, fat slob huffing and puffing his way on the treadmill towards the promised land of fitness. There, that is more like it.



Running on the treadmill sounds really straightforward. Climb on treadmill. Run. Climb down from treadmill. But one should know things are usually different in real-time than they were when you heard them - our resident 'darn-they-told-me-it-would-be-easy' motivational speaker Abhimanyu knows a thing or two about that. I know, this blog is suddenly veering towards health, weight-control, longevity et al from other interesting aspects of life like Maria Sharapova and Rachel Bilson. If you were born before 1978, you already know why. If you weren't, you will know eventually. So you want to stay healthy, do you (read: you want to fit into that old jeans of yours which just went from super-comfort to extra-tight and all that you did was to eat a few burgers, some assorted muffins and a gallon of soda) ?

1. 1431 Payorea Tooth Powder - Known as a very effective dental stain remover is for very effectively removing dental stains.

Sounds like a no brainer, I know. It is okay to wear a hiking/ trekking/ office-going/ cheap-with-no-padding shoe for running and say "hey, they are all shoes" only if it is okay to use harpic and lysol to remove dentals stains since "hey, they are all stain removers".

2. Pump up the volume

We all worship at the altar of 80s film music, no doubt. But trust me, when you are running at 7-8mph speed on a treadmill and wanting to go that extra few hundred yards before you tire out and drop dead, Mike Mogan (sic) singing "Udaya Geedham Paaduven" is not what you want to hear.

3. Never envy thy neighbor

Are your competitive juices overflowing that you want to run harder/longer/faster than the guy in the next treadmill ? Are you itching to set your speed a notch above his and prove a non-existent point ? Usually, this is when one of many things happen
a) Age/ human physiology/ lack of stamina/ a genuine belief in Newton's laws of motion catch up with you seconds before the treadmill throws you on the ground spread eagled.
b) the guy next door is actually a kenyan marathon runner who thinks a 100-mile dash is akin to running to the nearest milkbooth in the mornings.

4. Kiss

If you think you can actually kiss someone on the next treadmill and claim that a blog asked you to do so, bravo. I mean, BRAVO. To your left, we have Exhibit A - Superfast Subbarayan, who runs at breakneck speed for exactly 3 minutes, and then spends the remaining half hour panting and leaning on to one of the side walls, a nervous breakdown ready to happen. To your right, is Exhibit B - Passenger Parameswaran who starts off walking, starts to jog, then starts to run, then begins cooling down and manages to get out of the treadmill in one piece by Keeping It Simple & Synchronized (there, KISS). So, which one is it ? Super Subbu or Passenger Paramu ?


5. Cleanliness is somewhere between Godliness and being that guy with the obnoxious ring tone in the theater.

Buy a towel. Remember to carry it. Don't forget to use it on yourself and the exercise equipment you just used. It's okay, the towel knows that is it's purpose. Being all sweaty and drenched looks extremely manly and attractive only on Peyton Manning and Dwyane Wade in that Gatorade commercial. Unless you haven't won the Super Bowl when I wasn't looking, take it from me, its pretty mundane.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Now & Then - Start Camera

A few weeks ago, an extremely dangerous activity bordering on the impossible was undertaken. The Missus was trying to take a picture of a certain object (activity) and was trying to make it look good in that picture (extremely dangerous and bordering on the impossible).

Here is a short summary of how the whole exercise went. Snap 1: Eyes closed. Snap 2: Hair all wrong. Snap 3: Red-eye Snap 4: Can't differentiate between the Elephant standing next to it. Snap 5: "Woah, come what may, please don't pose like that again".

Somewhere between these snaps, The Object couldn't help but rewind to about a decade or two back in time. Do you remember the time when :



- your way-too-cautious friend said that some local studios might sell you exposed film and you had to check if the roll was good by pulling it out once completely and rewinding it back again ?
- each photo used to be a work of art because every photographer has the magic number "36" in his mind ?
- you had to shelve your school photo because you were caught staring at a girl and no amount of begging would melt the heart of that stingy photographer ??
- you had to squint through a small screen which had a much smaller square to view objects ??
- you had to whirr a small wheel like madness after taking a picture to move the film roll ahead ??
- you paused a second to wonder if you have whirred so much that you moved far ahead ?
- you wait for a little over two days to find out how exactly your pictures had come ?
- and when you search for that self-declared 'artful photo' you found it so shaken up like it was shot from inside the blender ?
- after careful analysis of the negatives, you chose a picture to blow-up as a portrait and it turned out to be the 'other' picture where your eyes were half closed ?
- gotten kicked after someone found that their dare-devil, one-handed stunt was missed just by a fraction of a second only to show them stupidly grinning ?
- after days and days of striking poses in biting cold only to realize your friend didn't load the film properly ?
- you really surged in front of the crowd to be in the frame because photographs were actually rare ?
- a great murder mystery will be painstakingly revealed as the hero washes the photo in slow motion ?
- photo albums for an entire trip of two weeks used to be a total of 50+ photos, as against the few hundreds taken over an evening walk these days ?
- you take a look at your old albums and remember people, the photographs and the exact backstory behind each one of them because there were so few pictures to begin with as against the innumerable ones sitting in your online album which you don't even bother to clear?

The Object heaves a sigh. As much as he wonders about the past, he is silently glad that technology has improved so much that with a few hours on Photoshop, even The Object can look presentable. That should be refreshing.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Attention

Having a TV at home without a sat-tv connection can cause quite number of things, one of which is watching old thamizh movies on DVDs. But when it gets to watching the 34th re-run of "Kaaki Chattai", it can become a serious disorder. One by-product of this masochistic exercise is fodder for the blog. Well done. Read on to find _my_ Top 10 Cop movies.

10. The Fugitive

A classic cop-chases-hero-chases-mysterious-murderer movie. Did Tommy Lee Jones deserve an oscar, I do not know. Is Sam Gerrard one of the best badass cops around ?? Hell, yeah. From start to finish, The Fugitive is a pure adrenaline rush. With no heroine to romance around with like other fugitive-on-the-run movies, Andrew Davis gives us one of his better movies. Just don't see the sequel and the thamizh remake (party party party orankattu, paadu singaari duettu) and you will be just fine.



9. Die Hard

Can there be a cop-movie list without the greatest underdog cop of all time ?? Can you beat "I have a gun. ho-ho-ho", in a movie-one-liner showdown ? Can you give the legendary John McClane a miss and still expect people to respect this list ? Bruce Wills keeps the costume budget down by wearing just a cut-banian, but runs riot with the props budget by consuming loads of strawberry syrup for blood. I can see a bunch of purists murmuring the second, third and fourth were not as good as the first. Truth be darned, I love 'em all. Yippi-ki-yay, .

8. kaaka kaaka

By far, the second best cop movie made in thamizh, Hands down. Slick camera work, great songs, beautiful heroine, a tight script, an imposing villain and an honest cop. Wow. In the remake versions in other languages, the heroine survives and everyone happily lives ever after. I am glad I saw the poetic thamizh version. Remember the scene with the curtains ? Kind of pokes you in the gut, doesn't it ?

7. Fargo

Can a cop-thriller be made with bumbling criminals, mild humor, barren landscapes and a brutal murders without hostel-like gore ? Yes, say the Coen brothers. They also add emphatically that they have been doing this for a while now. Fargo is a difficult movie for many (me included, until the 3rd time, i think) to appreciate because it is so steeped with the landscape that it represents - Minnesota and Middle America. It is like asking someone who has lived all his life in an apartment near Adyar Boat Club to appreciate Paruthi Veeran. No, can't do. But then, for some others who have lived in the narrow roads of Chinna Chokkikulam and Bibikulam, thats a movie for the ages. Fargo is probably an acquired taste, but a lip-smacking one nevertheless.


6. Sleepy Hollow

If my tim burton/johnny depp bias makes you skip this movie, ignore that for now. Burton breaks a few cop movie formulas. Take for example the lead character's name. In a world where cops have macho names, we have Ichabod Crane. Where cops have their adrenaline charged up on seeing the villain, our hero faints. When cops take a dive into danger, our hero backs off. When cops dare to see blood, our hero conveniently faints again. But then, Crane is resourceful, brave when the situation so demands and will stop at nothing - postmortems included. If that isn't enough, add abundant humor, a true detective storyline and gorgeous cinematography of turn-of-the-century new york. You have yourselves a winner here.

PS: Yes, I know burton didn't give the name to the lead character, it was Washington Irving. Now would be a right time to remember my the burton-depp bias.

5. Silence of The Lambs

A great cop movie with a greater villain. A greater villain matched by a greatly beautiful actress. SoTL is the first true thriller, and perhaps the only cop movie, where I really wanted to take the lead character out for a date (Note the use of past tense in "wanted" before you start off something at home) and No, Vyjayanthi IPS and other Vijayashanthi movies fail in both categories. Many recommend it for watching Anthony Hopkins at his best, but I say watch it for Jodie Foster. Don't believe me ?? Watch the other two Hannibal movies without foster and with hopkins. Now tell me which one you liked best. Foster brought a vulnerability and believability (and some beauty and some gracy and sensuality and that-oomph-without-oomphing) to the character of Clarice Starling which perfectly suits the theme of SoTL. If you have a thing for super-chics, look no further.

4. The Departed

The Burton-Depp bias is second only to the Scorsese-Di Caprio bias. Thats why you see "The Deparated" in this list and not "Infernal Affairs". When will Scorsese stop making movies where you wished to be a career-mobster ? Probably never. A cat and mouse game, shot in the backstreets of Boston, that pits two brilliant actors against each other with an extra-large scope to show blood and scorsese's favorite four-letter word (which he so prosaically uses even in 'The Aviator') with its infinite variations - Giving such a script to Scorsese is like turning the ball over to Tom Brady with 45 seconds to go in the fourth quarter. Don't forget the background score by Dropkick Murphy (I'm shipping upto Boston). That sort of seals the deal.

3. Hot Fuzz

Buddy cop movies are mostly run of the mill. The kind where two cops are best friends, dodge bullets in tandem, have buxom girl friends who are usually the damsels in distress. When you give such formulaic movies to Simon Pegg, he turns them around to classics. What 'Shaun of the dead' did to Zombies, 'Hot Fuzz' does to the buddy cop genre. With a whole load of humor, violence, blood and the usual flying-in-the-air-shooting-with-two-guns trade mark fight scenes, Hot Fuzz is a brilliant satire that deserves its place.

2. Kurudhi Punal

The best ever thamizh cop movie. You would be pardoned if you really thought it was an English/American movie. Such was the effect that it had on the viewing public when it opened. It had a cameraman directing the movie and an actor writing the script - facts you would realize only when someone told you that. Keeping a breathtaking pace from start to end, Kurudhi Punal gives you a power-packed climax which hasn't been seen in thamizh movies often. In a movie industry where vijayakanth, with a truckload of hair and a beer-gut, pretends to be a cop, Kurudhi Punal was/is/and will be one of those trend setters which will always his its own small cult of fanboys.

1. LA Confidential

What makes this movie click ?? Is it James Ellroy ?? No, he has some duds in 'Dark Blue' and 'The Black Dahlia'. Is it probably Brian Helgeland ?? No, can't be. He gave us 'Assassins'. Curtis Hanson, maybe. Nope, he directed '8 Mile'. Can't be him. Kevin Spacey ?? Russell Crowe ?? Guy Pearce ?? Kim Basinger ?? 1950's Hollywood ?? What is that sets LA Confidential right in the top ?? All of it. That sounds like a cop-out, but that's the truth. Everytime I watch a scene from this movie, it makes me think of marching up to those morons in the Academy of Motion Pictures and laugh at them for picking "Titanic" over LA Confidential for best picture. Just Plain Dumb. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and rent a DVD. Then come back here to thank me.

Other Honorable Mentions :

Johnny Brasco, Dirty Harry, Copland, The Untouchables, High Noon - Never seen them from start to finish.

French Connection, Dick Tracy, Training Day, Serpico, Se7en - Dated (IMHO), Wierd - slightly, Hyped, Depressing, You can't kill Gwyneth Paltrow and get away with it.

Narasimma, Raajiyam, Idhudhanda Police, Vallarasu, Walter Vetrivel, Sooriyan, KattaLai - Lack of server space at blogger.com

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Changing Lanes, Changing Times

Some notes for Claustrophobics entering the Lincoln tunnel. Remember the rule of thumb : Leave the car where it is and run for dear life. Don't trust me ? See what we have for you here : Big-bad-monster-truck-braking-too-often in the front, Big-bad-monster-truck-who-forgot-to-brake in the back, Big-bad-monster-truck-who-wants-to-change-lanes to the right, concrete to the left, river hudson on top and the movie 'Daylight' in mind. Go on. Make your day.



Arunthur never understood the idea behind satellites. You only need to put your hand out of the window to know if it rains or not. And then, someone introduced him to the GPS. To a geographically-disoriented-by-birth Arunthur, that was quite the Excalibur. Until the GPS decided to have a mind of his own. It operated on one guiding principle. Wait till it is too late to enter a lane, then recalculate. Repeat. Getting lost in a straight road is Arunthur's specialty. He doesn't need a GPS and a billion dollar satellite to help him there.

Arunthur used to be this insufferable traffic cop back home. His favorite yells were 'Don't change the lanes', 'Watch the signal', 'Don't honk, its bad manners', 'Always double-check before you park'. In short, he was the long-haired Sakthi Vel in a town full of Mayans. And then, all hell broke loose and the sleeping tyrannosaurus-rex was woken up. Only, everyone in Manhattan thought it was quite normal to do all that and more.

You should see Arunthur drive. Its like watching Da Vinci paint (or watching the paint dry, depending on where you are coming from). The kind of thrill his driving offers is nearly equal to watching an award winning movie with subtitles on a sunday afternoon. And then, Arunthur got stuck right in the middle of the road when the signal went red. A big board which said "fine + 2 points for blocking the box" and honking taxis coming from straight ahead like greyhounds. "Screeeeechchchchch" went the back wheels. "Whirrrrrrr" turned the car. "Yikessssss" screamed the missus. How the times have changed.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Take A Bow

Sometime back, a certain gentleman (I use the term loosely here, _real_ gentlemen kindly excuse), who had settled into some sort of a lazy routine, was kicked in the butt - not once, but twice, and back-to-back, by the same guy. Realizing that all the people can't be fooled all the time, he quietly took to wearing dark goggles and car-spotting on Sundays. Mind you, he could have stayed on. He could have given a semblance of a fight. There were a few gazillions who wanted him to (as against the few thousands who did not - you know, the "good riddance to bad rubbish" folks). Only, the people who had a say in him staying or leaving thought otherwise.



A significant population went up in arms about the future. They swore it would never be the same without him again. They vowed to stay away from the sport for good. Even the "good riddance" folks weren't sure if they would enjoy the season since their only source of hatred had safely stepped out. That had caused such a big hole of emptiness. It was a strange time.

And then there was Lewis Hamilton. The rookie who was supposed to block all-and-sundry in the backfield while Fernando Alonso ran away with the title.

And Fernando Alonso. The defending champion was who supposed to stand aside and watch his rookie team mate win the honors.

And Kimi Raikkonen. The "Best-Man-but-never-The-Man" who was supposed to struggle in his new team while his established (and well-connected) team mate would show him the way.

For the last race this season, the three of them would go head-to-head for racing supremacy. Would it be a rookie winning the championship (which the gentleman in question never achieved) ? Would Alonso make it three-in-a-row with two different teams (which the gentleman in question never achieved) ? Would Kimi finally win his first championship in his first year with a new team (which, again, the gentleman in question never achieved) after being ever-so-close ? But then, winning isn't the only thing this season.

Frankly, when did a Formula 1 season go down the wire like it did this time ? 2003, did you say ? Not exactly. 2006 ? Probably. 1999 ? Hmm, you can say that. 1990 ? ermm, you are exhibiting my inadequate knowledge of F1 here. All said and done we have three drivers going for the championship in a circuit that goes anti-clockwise, is notoriously bumpy, and can get flooded at the snap of a finger - try beating that.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Win Some, Lose Some

Automatic Transmission. Pavements. AMC. Netflix. Manzanita Gymnasium. Livermore. White Chocolate Mocha. Trail running. Santa Clara Central Library. Football. Highway 1. BK Boys. Panchathanthiram. Art of Intoxication aka Crescent Moon. Awesome Threesome. Moo.


Nanda talkies road. Shotokan. IQuiz. Sri Balaji. 3rd Main. Thirumalagiri. New Krishna Bhavan. XIIC. Punch. BK Boys. Bachi Bambo. Beautiful Tendril. Holy Basil. Daughter of Spring.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Business@Lack Of Thought

Imagine this: You own a rich stock of an absolutely non-essential good that half of the world does not want. Now, the powers-that-be have forbidden the explicit purchase of said stock and have prophesized terrible things (power cut during mega serial, gold price dropping _after_ you buy expecting a rise) who do not heed their words. Consider that said target audience have a strong belief in all prophecies and sundry, so much so that they would undergo worser things to ward them off. Now, you have a sea of stock, a bunch of doomsday predictions and an absolutely uninterested market. To paraphrase Dirty Harry, "Do you feel lucky ?? Do you ??".



"Draft a personal marketing policy considering individual buyer behavior", says the Yale graduate. "A cross-sectional deep dive of data needs to be collected", announces the one from Dartmouth. The Cornell graduate says "We need to try the 'Lionel Robbins' theory to verify the market's liquidity before trying anything". The shop-keeper at the corner of North Usman Road yawns and announces "Aadi Mega ThaLLupadi" thereby proving the killer marketing theory of all - the one immortalized by a leading economist of South India, Mr. Kounda Mani - "Free Giving, Phenyl Drinking".

The trick is straight forward and the worst kept secret after 'Who is India's real Prime Minister'. Calculate price X, Increase the price to Y, decrease the price to Z such that Z is greater than X. Don't pray and waste time. Just open the doors wide open and start raking in the moolah. Still no crowd ? Rope in some 'artistes' depending on your budget. Choose from Sneha hip-hopping in Times Square to some dial-in show hosts from Sun Music selling clothes to a mermaid (who, incidentally, is known for wearing nothing or next to nothing (in case of children's books)). If nothing works, try the Saravana Stores (the Real Madrid of the ad world - all stars, no bizz) way where, as a climactic touch, the CEO walks up to the TV screen with a big smile. The TV goes kaput, but business goes ka-boom. Hard to believe, I know. But ask the lady smiling end-to-end at the pseudo-killer bargain she made, and you decide to quit your Ivy League college and open a platform shop on North Usman Road.

Courtesy AMT, some shops which are largely unknown outside the corner of the street they are in manage to get serious air time, Market-out actors get a new lease of life, TV channels manage to fill out their ad slots like a breeze, Ranganathan street defies physics and other known human sciences yet again, the saree stores clear unwanted stock and get paid for it, people buy stuff that they don't require and yet convince themselves they are the winners. In every corner of every shop, the quintessential shopping companion carries diapers, feeding bottles and has leaves sprouting off his feet. Yep, that's about even.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Legilimensing Rowling

Three days to go before the worldwide release of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, and A Legilimens looks into the most-wanted head this week. 10 things I think, that are certainties in the last (or, to put it safely, 7th) book. Check back to see how I scored on Sunday.

10. Dumbledore Is Not Dead
You want to know why ?? Elementary, my dear Watson. The first question in any homicide - where is the body ?? Nope, you don't see it till the end of HBP. Second, we all know that Albus Dumbledore is the Gandalf of the series, so it is only fair that he comes back when they need him the most (which would be when Potter is a few inches from Voldemort's wand with him having said 'Avada Kedavrrr...'). For all conspiracy theorists, check this out. Somewhere in OOTP, when Moody is showing pictures of all the Aurors when the Order was formed, we get a casual mention of Aberforth Dumbledore - Albus' brother. Why am I thinking that it was Aberforth who took the hit from Snape than Albus ? If there is nothing added to the storyline by Aberforth and he is only a bar tender at The Hog's Head, why even mention him ?



9. Crookshanks & Padfoot
The next big secret of the series. That ginger tabby cat called Crookshanks is Regulus Arctrus Black. Let us face it, folks. Crookshanks hasn't done anything spectacular in his time. JKR would not include a character that stays with the trio all along, but still does nothing but purring and hissing. What we do know is that Crookshanks chased around Scabbers and Padfoot (Sirius) was spotted with Crookshanks a few times in POA. Regulus is as talented as his brother and so he would be an Animagus too. He was the opposite of Sirius (joined the Death Eaters, was close to his parents than Sirius ever was) and hence, understandably, took a form that was the opposite of Sirius' - a cat.

8. Precious Pettigrew
Another place where JKR alludes to LOTR. Remember the time in FOTR when Frodo says that Gollum deserves to die, only to be interrupted by Gandalf and said that Gollum might become useful sometime ?? Now, you have seen the part where Harry screams at Dumbledore that Peter should be killed in POA. You are about to see the part where Pettigrew (willingly or unwillingly) saves Harry and dies.

7. Primetime Fighting Challenge
Hagrid Vs That brutal giant leader who hurt him and Maxime in OOTP.
Lupin & Bill Vs Ferir Greyback and his army of werewolves
The Patils Vs Parkinson & Bulstrode
Dean & Seamus Vs Goyle & Crabbe
Ron Vs Draco
Arthur Vs Lucius
Mad-eye, Tonks, Kingsley, Mcgonagall Vs Rudolphus, Rabastan, Macnair, Rookwood
Dobby Vs Kreacher
Firenze Vs Bane

So many matchups. So little time.

6. A Change of Heart
Make no mistake - No matter what JKR says about the books getting darker and moving more towards adult readers, this is still a children's fantasy at heart. There are many bad guys to die in gruesome ways (Lucius, Rudolphus, Macnair, Crabbe Sr, Goyle Sr), that would leave Draco realizing the pointlessness of things, apologizing to Narcissa and repenting. Message of forgiveness conveyed.

5. Romeo+Juliet (without the death of course)
Ron+Hermione. I can see one half screaming "Obviously" and the other half, "What ?? Its Harry & Hermione". Congratulations to the first half, you have it right. The second half, kindly switch to reading some other series. It was so blatantly obvious right from the early books that it was meant to be Ron & Hermione. Heck, Chris Columbus even put a scene where Hermione hesitates to give Ron a hug.

4. The Return of Sirius
Nope, we are not talking about Tulsi here. This is Sirius, so no more come backs. Probably a few murmurs from behind the veil, but nothing more. However, Harry has a new Godfather - Regulus, who, in all probability, looks exactly like Sirius (thereby giving Gary Oldman a part in DH - The Movie). Fill it in with usual scenes where Regulus cleans up the Black Family Tree and adds the names of Sirius, Tonks in Grimmauld Place and then, in a soft voice, asking Harry if he could move in with him.

3. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold
Regardless of our preferences towards Gandhi and Munnabhai, we all love a bit of ass-kicking. Nothing beats a scene where the baddest guy gets smoked by the fumbling underdog. To top it with the fact that baddest guy ruined the underdog's family, we have a moment that matches the intensity Gandalf's entry into Helm's Deep, or Aragorn and the Army of The Dead at Gondor. So, whats the best match up we have for DH ?? Obviously, Neville nailing Bellatrix. Hopefully, pushing her into the veil. Preferably, with the Cruciatus. Possibly, with his father's wand which was broken in OOTP.

2. The Real Star
For many of us (and Yes, _many_ of us), the real star of DH would be Severus Snape. A misunderstood hero, who probably made the biggest of sacrifices all along. Note that Severus is one of the best Occlumens around and he clearly mentions that only a great Occlumens would be able to lie in front of Voldemort, who is an accomplished Legilimens himself. Severus saved Potter when Quirrel was jinxing the broom in PS. Severus also tried to protect the trio from a changed Lupin in POA. He taught Harry Occlumency and at a time when Harry wanted to convey a message to the Order, he conveyed it - which effectively saved everyone at the Ministry of Magic. Even in HBP, Severus had chances to finish potter off himself, but didn't. He also didn't allow anyone else to get to Dumbledore, because only he knew how to get the job done. In DH, Severus would save Harry (yet again), only this time, he would lose his life and be etched in the upper echelons of tragic heroes :-) (okay, that was a tad too much, but you get the drift, don't you ?).

1. Harry Potter will not die.
Obviously.


Glossary
PS - Philosopher's Stone
COS - Chamber of Secrets
POA - Prisoner of Azkaban
GOF - Goblet of Fire
OOTP - Order of The Phoenix
HBP - Half Blood Prince
DH - Deathly Hallows

JKR - Joanne K Rowling
JRRT - JRR Tolkien

LOTR - Lord of The Rings
FOTR - Fellowship of The Ring
TTT - The Two Towers
ROTK - Return of The King

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

A Matter Of Time

Prologue

Philip couldn't sit in his seat for too long. The fight with Sophie this morning over breakfast was still haunting him. It was a simple matter of a slightly spicy breakfast which got worse with Philip telling Sophie this wasn't the first time and Sophie asking him to try making breakfast from tomorrow on. That touched a nerve, and being made for each other, the feeling of anger was mutual and simultaneous. After the war of words, both of them didn't utter a syllable throughout the trip to their respective places of work. After a few hours simple rational thinking resulted in Philip's temper becoming remorse. He had decided. He was not going to let a few milligrams of chillies get between him and Sophie. He wanted to apologize and get it over with. Most importantly, he knew what was probably the best way to get it done.

Philip & Sophie - 2007 AD

Philip picked up his mobile phone and after much thought, typed out the words "Sorry" and sent it to Sophie. He waited with bated breath for his phone to chime with the message "It's okay sweet heart". A few finger nails got ripped apart, but the phone still wore that dead pan expression. He thought for a while again and typed "I said I am really sorry, and I do mean it". Moments passed, but the phone didn't budge. Remorse became Unease.



Cursing mildly, Philip looked up his instant messenger and found Sophie online. If she wasn't going to respond to his message on the phone, she has to reply online. Thinking about it, he thought it is was probably better since it would cut the excruciating wait for messages on the phone.

"I am sorry", he typed and waited for the messenger to indicate that she was typing.
"I said I am sorry. Can we just get over it ??", he typed again. The messenger was decidedly mum.
"How many times do I have to say it ?? Can't you just say you are okay ??" was followed by "It wasn't my fault alone, okay ?? If I can apologize despite that, what is your problem ??" and later by "Thats it, if you want to be so stubborn, I can be twice as much" and thankfully concluded with a curt "Bye". Unease had decidedly morphed into Anger.

Philip picked up the land-line phone. Trembling in anger, he dialled her office number only to be responded with an engaged tone. "She did it on purpose. She unhooked the phone on purpose", he told himself. Anger, after having clouded his judgment, had promoted itself to become Rage.

And Rage does what it usually does when residing within a short-tempered young male with access to emails. Within a few minutes, Philip had spewed a few kilobytes of venom into Sophie's mail box. "That should teach her a thing or two", he proudly told himself - clearly not understanding the meaning of the word "proud".

Elsewhere, Sophie, who had forgotten to bring her mobile, was distraught that she couldn't apologize to Philip because the network infrastructure in her office had gone bonkers. In a corner of her mind, she was wondering how good it would be if Philip also felt the same way at some point of time in the day. Just as she was about to give up and leave for the day, the network came up. And so did an indication that Philip had sent her an email. She knew it, Philip had apologized profusely, the sweet heart that he was. She couldn't wait to send a message saying she was sorry too. She opened the mail and started reading.

Philip & Sophie - 2007 BC

Philip climbed on his horse and set out to meet Sophie. He met her, started apologizing, got stopped before he could complete his apology, was apologized to, hugged, told he was such a sweetie pie for having travelled so many miles on horseback through mountains, deserts, forests and other assorted landscapes for a simple apology and underwent lot of other general mushy things that would not be mentioned in this blog out of respect to Philip & Sophie. However, this blog, armed with that inside knowledge, would safely say that they lived happily ever after.

Epilogue
If you have learned the lesson about how any new scientific invention can never, ever replace human face-face communication, but unhappy that the 2007 AD version of Philip & Sophie have ruined it for themselves - read further.

Lot of things happened during the "Philip & Sophie - 2007 AD" story line which were cut for brevity. Philip's unexplained feeling in the deep end of his stomach after sending the email, him receiving a call from Sophie's best friend who wanted to convey a message to her but couldn't since she wasn't picking up her mobile phone and not responding to messages, a long thought process where he added one and one and arrived at two (in other words: realize that he had screwed up just about everything), a frantic rush to somehow get his hands on the mail that he sent, realizing computers weren't built to suit slip-ins and slip-outs, an undoubted gift from God when he remembered her Unix mail password which he used to log into her mail server and delete the message without a trace and a few less kbs in a mail which said how sorry he was about the whole thing in the morning which he sent seconds before her network came up. The mail, coupled with the few apology messages that Sophie found in her mobile at home, led to series of events later that evening which would continue to remain Philip & Sophie's little secret. To pry them would be plain uncivilized, but yes, in all certainty, they lived happily ever after too.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Once In A Blue Moon

A leaves his Virudhunagar home early in the morning with his wife and 18-month year old kid. He makes the trip to Madurai in record time and leaves his family at his wife's place. His son lovingly tugs his shirt asking him to stay. A replies "Baby, I have some very important work to attend to. Let me finish it get back on the double" leaving a kid heart broken and a wife concerned.

B has his business clients from the Ramanathapuram-Tirunelveli belt in South Tamilnadu upto Bubaneshawar in the East. B is an MBA. B also owns an upmarket Honda Civic which none of his other friends have. B manages more than one business at a time. But he would give all that up today. All that, and even more.



C never believed in the 24-hour clock idea. For him, the night began at 10 and then, after an hour or so, it was 8 in the morning. It made perfect sense to him. After all, who would want to do anything at 7 am in the morning ?? Today, for the first time in his 30-year stay on Earth, C realized that there exists something called 4:30am in the morning. He actually pinched himself when we woke up today and immediately vowed he cannot repeat it for any other reason, any time in the future.

D has a big problem. He isn't sure where to go. He can go to Salem, but there is no guarantee he can get one. He can go to Hosur, but he needs a Panzer to travel on Hosur Road. Finally, he sets his eye on Kolar. Heck, he would have gone to hell and beyond if he had to.

E and the missus get stuck in a major traffic jam near home. As they slowly inch their way up the flyover, E gets a good view on why the traffic is jammed. Trying to control himself and failing miserably, E asks if he can just take U-turn and head straight inside. The missus gasps at the general sophistication level of the crowd waiting outside. E is secretly glad the missus never made the trip to madurai cira 1996. Pushing his luck, E asks the missus if she can ride the two wheeler to work alone since he has "some urgent work that has come up". The missus politely indicates her displeasure by breathing a hole through his jacket by breathing fire. E bites the bullet and dutifully obliges by riding to work. But his time will come. In the next two days. It better.

The economy reports a sudden jolt in dairy products, camphor, lottery tickets and card-board.

Hey, Its not every day you have a thalaivar movie released.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

A Pinch Of Salt

1. "Ah, I know why you are not seen outside on the weekends" followed by all-knowing smile.
False. When the two houses that matter to you claim to be in the same city, but are so far apart that when it rains in one place, it's blistering hot in the other, half your weekend is spent inside a Santro cursing the Industrial Revolution.

2. "Things are so easy after marriage. All that you have to do is relax on the couch and wait for the food to be served to you"
Blatant Lie. They forgot to fill you in about the part where you clean up the kitchen while aforesaid provider of food is busy watching VH1.

3. "A (wo)man is a [wo]man's best friend"
Myth. Its the Microwave. And The Refrigerator.

4. "Wow, even your names start with the same letter. You are truly made for each other"
Prevarication. You should see the gravity defying stunts that happen over the remote control.

5. "When you see the missus do things you cannot do, you puff up with pride"
Fabrication. When the missus does Tanjore paintings for a hobby while you cannot draw a straight line even if your life was one the line, yeah right.

6. "Whatever stress you are under, vaporises the instant you see your dog wagging it's non-existent tail in glee at your mere arrival".
True. Blissfully True. So thankfully true.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...