Its here already

2005, and it was like 2004 only yesterday. Well yeah, it literally was. But you get my point, dont you ?? I remember saying similar stuff even last year, and the year before last. Heck, i have been saying this since i became old enough to note that a year was passing by.

Newyears are special in a way that you get a chance to look up how you have fared in the resolutions you have made last year. It is so surprising how glossy they still look. Hmm, if i had even bothered to touch them after the day i made the resolutions, there would have been something to have call for as much as a trace. Whats lost, we have a new year coming up and it is time to make resolutions again. So, here comes Tyler Durden with his new year resolutions, written in second person just to make sure he remains safe if there are any issues or disagreements.

1. 'My first new year resolution is not to make resolution. bwahahahaha`. This is NOT a joke. This is a PJ, even if it is cracked by Drew Barrymore. Your resolution is to immediately say 'Duh' and look elsewhere.

2. When someone jumps a signal and almost runs you over, dont shout at him. Instead chase him down and pick up a fight. Do not worry if your day would get spoilt if you start on this note. It aint going to be better anyways.

3. Learn to handle them Mobile Phone maniacs politely. When someone lets their mobile phone ring inside a music concert or a play, after all s/he is under-privileged in the fact s/he does not know how big a moron s/he is. please feel free to remind them of the fact that they should probably stick their head inside a bin.

4. There is life beyond curd rice. Cuisines do not start and end with curd rice.

5. Rehabilitate someone out of the vices of listening to pointless music like trance and rap. Show them the light of alternative metal and rock. Be blessed by the rock gods.

6. Learn to drive a car. Elementary school kids drive scorpios and you are old enough to fly a frigging space shuttle. Get a grip on your life for chrissake.

ps: make sure you let people know that you are at it. We can handle only one calamity at a time.

7. When someone spits pan from inside their car onto the road, it is okay to spit on their car. Preferable to spit inside, but make sure you stay out of hand's reach.

8. You are old, in fact too old, to pull the emergency lever in the train and claim ignorance. So stop giving those sheepish looks to the chain everytime you are on a train. Maybe you can encourage adventurous kids to do it for you.

9. Go slow on the DVDs front. Some movies which you have bought are so pathetic that even the cast and crew would not want to own a personal copy.

10. Always make it a point to remain silent for 2 minutes everytime a good friend of yours get married. For all the good times you guys had together, that is the best you can do.

11. Not having a mobile phone is not a sin. Not having a mobile phone is not unconstitutional. Not having a mobile phone is not inhuman. It is only the predictability of your social life and a lack of people to call.

12. Start saving money for that Merc with a unending-cache of Cadbury Nutties. You are not going to leave any stone unturned.

13. Come to think of it, there probably is no life if not for curd rice. No Thachi-Mammu, No Life.

14. Never be superstitious.

Thank heavens, I was so worried i would get stuck with 13 resolutions.