Here Goes

"What the hell" could be your first reaction. The idea that someone actually blogs about this could put you off. You havent seen the other blogs i have seen, this would probably get the booker against that.

"26 years and you are saying this is your first time, tsk tsk tsk" might be your next reaction. FY Kind I, we live in India. What an american teenager gets to do countless times before he goes to college, an Indian adult would be praying to all Gods to do even once. Well, not all Indian adults per se, we've definitely improved over the last decade or so. But nevertheless, most of them atleast.

"So, you got lucky. Big deal, huh" is your next possible reaction. Let us not get too judgemental , shall we ??

"Considering the lofty standards you have set, what did you goof up this time" is probably around the corner. Uhmm, yes. I think i just kept on laughing which would've been, uhmm, slightly uncomfortable for everyone else involved. Yeah allright, it doesnt matter what others think and as long as you are happy its okay. But this is not just about me, is it ??

"So, how did it feel" would be your curious next question. It felt a bit strange to begin with, but once we got the feel of it, it felt .. it felt like i was in the air, flying, the clouds were under me, me soaring through the skies with absolutely no one to stop me. I guess it takes some time to used to it. Should check if every first timer fumbles a bit, laughs to himself, and slowly enjoys the feeling.

"So did it end, and if it did, how did it end" is a natural question. Oh well, all the usual crap about "all good things should come to an end" is taboo. Saying "it was good until it lasted" is probably rude. But i have to say, for some unknown reason, i felt my stomach churning towards the end. The feeling as if, as if someone is pulling you back to earth from the sky, when you were just enjoying the feeling.

"What next" is what i hear. Uhmmm, given a chance, i guess i would want to do it again. Regardless of how other are going to see it, or if am going to get that familiar stomach churning feeling, am going to do it again. 26 long years is long enough to be desperate for more.

Thank you Indian Airlines.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

Veni, Vidi and Annegato

I Came, I Saw and I Drowned. If you so badly wanted to read tolkien for some reason (which could range from "just want to check what all this hype is about" to " sheesh, elrond and aragorn have common ascendants") and you saw the silmarillion and you had this inkling of "hey, now __that__ looks like a small book to read" and you picked it up, Congrats, you just won yourself a life membership in the Fools' Guild.

The Silmarillion is small, and LOTR is huge. But that would be like saying "Sanjay Bangar is a much-feared bowler than Shane Warne because he bowls faster". To put things in perspective, LOTR has three important battles (Helm's Deep, Pelennor Fields and Isengard) and one great war (The one in front of the Black Gate). Silmarillion has five great wars, numerous important battles and countless minor scuffles (that you could rate alongside the tom bombadil part or shelob).

If that wasn't enough the big-bad-ass villain turns out to the boss of Sauron, and he is not as lame as sauron to have just a bunch of sun-fearing Orcs. Our man has goblins, werewolves, an array of balrogs (LOTR had just the one doing a catwalk in khazad-dum, while here we have them whipping up some serious smoke), a whole family of dragons and, guess what, the great grand-mother of shelob. And you have the easterlings, the dwarves, the eagles, the valar (the god of the gods) and the maiar (demi-gods), and by the looks of it a sword in your hand to cut me up. Whoops, point taken.

The Silmarillion has a mind-boggling collection of names which sound absolutely nutty when read but have some inner-meaning when broken up and translated. I cant seem to remember a time when remembering names was a problem. Sounds strange ?? Check this out: "finrod, feanor, fingon, fingolfin and finarfin". I am sure on first read, they all sounded the same. No, they arent. And that is 5 of the zillion names out there which sound very similar too. Would it have been easier if the characters were named in a more-understandable way, like "Chellamuthu" and "Thangapandi" and "Mannick Basha" ?? Hmm, Nah. That would've reduced JRR to the levels of Rama. Narayanan, and that would be sacrilege.

One person, by virtue of their existence in middle-earth with its strange customs, has more than one name by rule of thumb. His/her parents give him/her a name which usually has something to do with "everlasting light" or "sweet scent of victory". Our man grows up and one day runs into a dwarf and befriends a whole horde of them. They get so impressed by his "songs" and they call him something in the dwarvish tongue, something like "the steadfast" or "rock-solid". Our man doesnt stop there, goes into elf-land, falls in love with an elf-maiden and along with the maiden, gets a whole list of elven names, "swordking" or "orcslayer". After all this, as if names werent enough, our man fights lot of orcs, ends up losing his hand or fingers and gets names like "One-handed" or "Nine-fingered". Phew. His ration card would've looked certainly strange.

Silmarillion answers most questions that one might have, and it answers more than that at times. If one thought multiple names to people was a problem, swords, horses, towers, plains, seas, caves and forests have more than one name too. Thankfully, Tolkien didnt know any other geographical phenomenon.

Timelines are not respected in the Silmarillion. Tolkien runs through 300 years in two pages and a few generations of people in a couple of paragraphs. If he had been around to do a LOTR-ish expanded writing of The Silmarillion, even a cat with all its nine lives intact wouldnt have been able to finish it on time.

The book deals a heavy blow to your ego with its intricate details, gives you feeling that you have alzheimer's with a spate of family-trees of great houses of middle-earth, and challenges your reading ability with the first two chapters which are an exercise that would leave you with a feeling if this is the language you studied since kindergarten. But like an Old Trafford pitch in english summer, which makes you work hard early in the morning and eases out as the day progresses, it opens out to be another tale of friendship, love, betrayal, loyalty and honor. All in all, Two Thumbs Up from me to The Silmarillion. If you liked LOTR for the details, you going to love The Silmarillion. Five family trees, Three maps, A complete character/name index and A Tolkien fans' delight, an elvish dictionary, come with the book. Howz that for "details".

PS: If you happen to know Italian and Annegato happens to be some sleazy word, blame it on google.

PS2: If you have any questions on Akkalabeth or the War of The Third Age, dont ask me. I havent come there yet. I just read the part which says "This is the end of The Silmarillion" and i am still yapping in my own personal sunshine of gloating, even though there is 1/6th of the book to be completed.

PS3: The "Unfinished Tales" would remain Unfinished with me. Until i am done with PGW and Pratchett atleast. So long JRR, for making all the train journeys worth it.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

SageSpeak - All Is Never Lost - VI

========================================

"You say something now", said an eager looking Iris.
"bwa"
"well, of course, something __other__ than bwa ghe wa, whatever that means".
"....", John looked like a lost puppy.
Iris giggled, said "chweeet boy" and gave something like a nibble on his cheeks and ran in.

Kathryn walked up to him and said "I am happy for you".
"I know", said a now calm looking John.
"But you didnt have to drink, you know .. She would have said Yes anycase".
"..."
"Breaking the promise you made to your mother, I dont know John, I think you shouldnt have drunk. But hey that is just me. You got the girl, Lamar and Crow would get their due and all is well."
"Kathryn, I didnt drink"
"What??"
"I said, I didnt drink"
"Again, What??"
"I couldnt bring myself to do it .. I couldnt bring myself to drink that darned thing not just because i promised to my mom, but because, because i hate the feeling of having something in me that controls me rather than me controlling it"
"Yet again, What??"
"Well, yeah .. I went a bit overboard there .. dont mind .. Bottomline is I didnt drink .. I just splashed some stuff on me to look drunk"
"But, why would you do that"
"I dont know, if i goofed up today also, which i could have so easily done, I could feign ignorance and blame the alcohol when i meet Iris again", said John with an innocent look. He just couldnt look sheepish".
"But John, do you understand that if you had screwed up today, considering the magnitude of what just happened, She would've never even looked at you ??"
"I know kathy, I know .. But i had to take my chances .. I had to give a shot .. Even if i had failed today, i would have tried again because i know something"
"which is ..."
"No matter what you do or no matter what happens, Love will always find its way."

===========================

The Oldest Member adjusted his suit. He was looking at an inebriated Arthur running into scores of people, trying to balance himself and get out of the bar in one piece. The Oldest Member couldnt bring himself to imagine how it is going to be when Arthur would meet his girl that night. He didnt know if Arthur could find his way back to the right house. He didnt know if Arthur could find the right girl that he wanted to talk to. He didnt know if Arthur could find the right words to tell her.

But he knew something. Love will always find its way.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

SageSpeak - All Is Never Lost - V

In a dark, dinghy, smokey room which doesnt have any specific location or a name since it is not going to help the story move forward, two dark figures had just opened a bottle of Premium Scotch.
"So, he is going to kiss Iris, is he", asked a malevolent looking guy.
"Well yes, i have made sure of that", said Lamar with a cigarette perched in between his lips in a strange fashion.
No, Lamar did not make a 180degree turn in a swivel chair, he did not have red/green/blue lights focussed on his face, he did not have a taxidermic leopard in the room and there were no drum rolls to signify that he was the bad guy. He was the bad guy, just that. No frills attached.
"Why are you doing this Lamar", asked Crow who has been given this name since referring to him every now and then as malevolent looking guy is sort of difficult.
"Iris spurned me and there was no better way of getting back to her with this nerd. What more, we get our assignments done as a bonus".
"Whats in it for you this time??", said a sadistacally enthusiastic Crow.
"I've told John to sneak in to the girls hostel and walk up to her room and do the honours. If he gets caught, he gets thrown out of college and Iris loses face. If he gets caught in the act, he gets thrown out of college and Iris loses face. If he comes out unscathed, still Iris loses face. Its a win-win for me".
"I'd pay anything to watch this mayhem", Crow, suprisingly, sounded like a crow.
"Me too".


Lamar and Crow picked the best seats of the auditorium. The dark bushes near the outerwall of the Girls' Hostel. John was entering the hostel through the main gate. For a man who had just gulped 360ml of Whiskey, he was walking surprisingly straight and for a man who was supposed to kiss a girl in her room inside the Girls' hostel, he was surprisingly zany. He was supposed to climb up throught he pipe, thought Lamar. What is he doing walking straight upto the reception ?? Trying to call her down for a kiss or something ??

John stood in the open area outside the vacant portico. As Lamar was planning how John intended to keep his entry, a cry rent the air. "Irrrrrriiiiiiiisssssssssssss", screamed John. It would've woken up Rip Van Winkle. Unconnected to this story, An alien watchcraft that had strayed in for surveillance, got a rude jolt and flew back to its mother ship saying this blue-green planet is full of nazgul beasts, thus Earth was saved from an invasion.

The lights started to come out in random order and the whole of the hostel was waking up, curious to know what was happening. A drunk-looking man, shouting a girl's name, from the portico of Girls' Hostel definitely meant business, and such things did not happen so often. Iris walked into the moonlight and looked up at John.
"Ireeshshsh", John sounded like he had been drinking a gallon of whiskey.
"John, you are drunk and a real lot at that", said Iris in a flat tone.

The whole hostel had gathered by then and was awaiting the turn of events in bated breath. Kathryn was by Iris' side, holding her hands in support. Crow and Lamar were scratching their heads at where all this was going. Iris still had a poker face.

"There is just one thing i gotto say before i leave. No, its not 'I'll be back'. I'm in no mood for bad jokes today. I just wanted to say, among the millions of things that swarm this planet, if there is one thing i truly love so much more than anything else, that the thought of losing it makes me think death would be an easier way out, that is you".

Before he could finish, he saw Iris running towards him. By reflex and going by his past experiences with a "Charging Iris", he decided to beat reatreat and run away as far as he could, and hide in the hills. But somehow his feet broke up its relationship for lack of self-respect in the relationship with the brain, and he stood like a statue. Before he could wriggle out, Iris was there and W-H-A-M. No, slaps given in the cheek were given with the full face of the palm. This was something different, This was soft, in fact very soft, like a peck and it was over before John could say "Abstract Classes Implemented with Templates in A Component Object Model Environment". [ It would've been romantic and easier for the reader if John could have thought about something simpler, but considering the limited areas of interests he possesses, the reader is bound to make it through this excercise. ]

"What took you so long, you brute ??"
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"You didnt have to sing, you didnt have to fight. All that you had to do was to tell me this".
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I know how much you value your mom and the promise you made to her that you wouldnt drink. But today .. today you had to do it just because you wanted to pour your heart .. oh john .."
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I have always liked you .. I have always wanted to talk to you .. I have always wanted to spend time with you .. but everytime i tried, you came up with something seriously dumb to put me off .. but now, seeing how important this whole thing is to you, i cannot hold myself back John".
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I ..."
"bwa.."
"Love .."
"ghe .."
"You."
"wa".
"Wowwwww", erupted the hostel which was waiting in anticipation.

"Waaaaaaa", screamed Lamar and Crow because they were hit by two blocks of wood simultaneously.
"See David, I told you right, these chicken thieves, they always prowl our poultry by the night .. told you we can catch if we set them up traps right" said Ruffian #1.
"You right Goliath, let us just teach them a lesson to these thieving rascals"
The last thing that Lamar and Crow remembered was being stuffed in the mouth with some cotton. The next morning, even the doctors were baffled at the systematic coloring of their body in a hue of black and blue.

========================================

The Oldest Member cleared his throat like a conductor, "So son, beer can always help when you need the last thrust to put you into orbit". It was too late by then, The beer mug was empty and Arthur was on his feet.
"Shir, dhank yeu".
"But son.."
"I kennot faind wardshsh to dhank yeu faar dha helb dat yew haf daan". Something was not normal, felt the Oldest Member. That was when he saw four other mugs being cleared by the bar tender.
"Were you been drinking ??"
"Shair, Naw Shair", Arthur only had to stand or do something that he felt like was standing and everyone would know if he is drunk or not.
"Baatt I yam goink tho meeit har shair .. raight naaw .. and iye yam going tho thell har everything in mai maind shair .. And Iye wil alweish remeimber yew faar al dha hyelp shair", he didnt even wait for the response and ran away to the door.

The Oldest Member was interrupted by the Barley, the bartender, busy cleaning the mugs. He had a strange curled smile on his lips, "That wasnt how it happened, was it Sir ??"

========================================

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

SageSpeak - All Is Never Lost - IV

"Fine. We screwed up with the music idea. Now that doesnt mean we are going to give up, Are we", asked Lamar.
"I dont know Lamar, this is her favorite song and i screwed it up no end", John was kicking himself.
"Hey, it wasnt that bad you know", said Lamar, popping up a chocolate into his mouth.
"Really??", John's voice had hope pasted on it from the left to the right.
"Well, actually it wasnt as bad as getting hit with tomatoes and rotten eggs was what i had in mind"
"Now dont say that Lamar, am already down"
"Kid, dont bother. I have an idea"
"Another ??" asked John incredulously. He had had enough eggs and tomatoes to make a Sub and he was in no mood to want for more.
"Yes, but this time we hit the right spot. Tell me this, what turns on a woman".
"Errrmm, a life size picture of a bare-chested hugh jackman ??", queried John, not too sure with himself.
"Well technically yes. But what else ??"
"I hope its not Thermodynamics coz i was never good at ..."
Lamar couldnt take it anymore and he cut across, "Bravery".
"Eh ??".
"Bravery. King Arthur and his Knights, Bravery. Alexander, Sword Fights, Diving into danger, Mindless acts of violence, Bravery.", Lamar was getting hysterical now.
"Oh".
"Have you ever been in fights before ??" asked Lamar.
"They used to call me 'The Terminator' back there in Dunceshire" said John. What he intentionally forgot to mention was the fact that he won the title by winning an "Eat All That You Can" contest.
"Then we have a plan. Iris is no exception and you impress her with your bravery".
"Is it really that simple ??"
"Just shutup and listen."

The next day morning Lamar and John went to the cafetaria. In walked Kathryn, Iris' confidante who had a soft corner for John.
"What are you boys doing here this time of the day ?? 8am is like midnight for you, isnt it ??", asked Kathy.
John and Lamar looked at each other. She had a point. They werent quite used to 8 in the morning.
"You are here to meet Iris, arent you John ??".
John looked down.
"John, dont do this to yourself. You took Iris' favorite song to the cleaners the other day"
"Kathy that was an accident", said John.
At the same time, Iris entered the cafetaria. As if she could sense the presence of John, she didnt even turn this side and walked up straight to the bar-stools.
"I better get going before she sees me with you. Take care John".
"Bye Kathy", said Lamar, with a funny accent.

While Kathy was turning to leave, in walked the biggest man John had ever seen. Standing side-by-side, He would make John look like a hobbit. No, in fact he would make him look like a dwarf. Better, he would actually make him look like an Ewok. The big man turned and walked towards Iris and stood in front of her. John could clearly see the change in Iris' mood. Dilated pupils, increased breathing, fidgeting fingers and sweat. She __was__ in trouble.
"Go get him, John", said Lamar.
"What the", started Kathy.
By the time John had moved in for the kill. If it meant sending big-boss-man to hospital to win Iris over, he'd go one step further and send him to the Intensive Care Unit. Maybe that would account for a chocolate fudge sundae on a weekend date.

John touched him from behind, turned him over, looked at Iris, said an inappropriate "Hi", turned towards big-boss-man and said "That is not the way to talk to lady".
"And who are you", said BBM in a gravelly voice. One is not sure if it was cheesy dialogue that spurred him to say it that way, but it sure had a challenge tied in the end and was dangling in front of John's face to be picked. John, was only too happy to see that.
W-H-A-M. John's punch got him right in the jaw.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed Big-boss-man falling to the floor.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed Iris, she had spilt coffee on her favorite tee-shirt.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed the rest of the cafetaria, the punch was so brutal.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed Kathy as she stepped onto something and lost balance.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed Lamar, coz Kathy had dug her stilletto-heel onto Lamar's toes.
"Awwwwwwwwww" screamed John, regardless of how cool he wanted to look, the punch hurt his knuckles.

Before BBM could get to his feet, John hauled him up. He saw Lamar showing his thumbs. That was the signal, he was doing good then. BBM was not living upto the reputation his size had promised. From the corner of the eye, he could see Iris walking upto him. BBM was now calling her name in despair. How dare he ?? Two more jabs to the face. Iris was now fast approaching. Lamar was now showing the "punchbag" signal, which meant John had to go on an overdrive. BAM, BIFF, KAPOW and all that meant BBM was screaming Iris' name louder. When John gave him a punch to his guts, and BBM went down on his knees, Iris had reached John.
"John", she said in a really pacified tone.
John didnt see this coming. But true to the plan, he didnt turn around. "Never look back, keep doing the mugging job, that makes you look you are sincere", Lamar's words. Golden words. Lamar, I would spend the rest of my life writing your assignments. Lamar, The Genius.
"John", Iris laid her hands on John's shoulder.
"When she touches you, it means the job is welldone. Turn around slowly. Dont make it seem you are desperate", St. Lamar's holy gospels.
As he slowly turned around, he now had Iris's face in full vision. "Now what is this expression she had in her face ?? It definitely isnt a smile. Is this how women generally look when they are in awe of someone ?? Should ask Lamar when i get back".
T-H-W-A-C-K. John thought if Iris had surgically implanted a metal-girder for her right hand. The last thing he saw lying on the floor and holding his jaw was Iris holding BBM up and walking him down.

Kathy came huffing and puffing. "Do you know who he is ??"
"....".
"Do you know who he is ??"
John wasnt sure if she repeated the question again or it was the after-effects of having a jawbreaker few minutes back. Anycase, he was too dazed to care.
"....".
"He is Gideon".
John didnt know him. Gideon wasnt a scientist and if he was no scientist, John had no reason to know him.
"...."
"and Gideon is Iris' younger brother".
"....". This time John was speechless with shock.
"He comes here to talk to Iris and convince her to meet the guy whom her parents have seen for her. That was why Iris was a bit apprehensive"
"....". John was losing touch with the human world.
"and in case i forgot to mention, Iris loves Gideon more than anything else in this world"
"....". What was the point in talking anyway ??

"I'm ruined", One would be pardoned if he mistook John's tone for Darth Vader's.
"Not yet", said Lamar.
"Oh, am sorry. You have another plan to completely kill me or something ??".
"Hey, dont scream at me. How was i supposed to know", Lamar shot back.
"Lamar, you told me a thug comes to meet Iris every now and then to blackmail her for money and i have to beat the crap out of him to impress Iris. If you dont remember that thug happens to be her brother and she loves him so much that she almost powdered my jaw with one punch".
"Let us use a technique that has never failed"
"Funny, you said something close to this the last time".
"Just listen me out, will you ??".
"Just dont get me killed, will you??".
"A girl might not be impressed with bravery or music, but there is one thing that always gets her. A Kiss".
"What ?? I gotto kiss Iris ?? You got to be kidding man"
"I know you are so scared. Its natural. There is another way to handle this."
"Which i presume is to dress myself as Mrs. Doubtfire".
"Easier. Just load yourself with good alcohol, it is a fear-repellant you know"
Lamar thought to himself, "Fear-repellant, thats a nice word".
John felt like Iris punched him again. "Lamar, i cant drink alcoholic beverages. You know it". Indeed, the whole of the college knew John doesnt drink. Most of the times, he succeeds in making such a noise that even the regulars go into dry spells to save themselves of his sermons. John had promised his mother [" John, Never touch alcohol .. It liquidates your brain and you end up becoming a vampire" ], amongst a few hundred other things, that he would never taste alcohol since it was prima facie for him to even get out of town. For John, promises made to his mom were unbreakable rules. If it was Do or Die against a promise to his mother, the obvious choice was to Die. But after three hours of relentless trying to convince John, Lamar used the magic word "John, you have to do it .. not for me, not for you .. but for Iris". Unsurprisingly, that did the trick.

Lamar bought a nice, green colored bottle of Whiskey. John disappeared into his room for a few hours.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

SageSpeak - All Is Never Lost - III

"Now that we are into operation I2, let us get the basics right. What are you planning for this years fiesta", Lamar asked.
"I'm presenting a paper on the implementation of nano-technological object modules in a neural network with ...."
"Stop it man, are you trying to frighten her into liking you or something ??", screamed Lamar.
"But .. but, this is what i do", John was now crestfallen. Technology and Education were the only two things he was and could ever be confident about.
"Now, why dont you sing one of Iris' favorite songs ?? She would come running to you then".
John went on the defensive saying "Song ?? Me ?? Sing ?? She ?? No Lamar, I dont think thats a good idea".
"Aaah, John, you do not know your real talent"
"I don't ??", querulous John.
"You are a wonderful singer, do you know that ??"
"I am ??", squeaky John.
"When you sing in the shower, the whole hostel comes to a stand still"
"They do??", stupidly proud John.
"Now, stop asking smart aleck questions and listen. I will find out Iris's favorite song. All that you have to do is to practise it and go on stage. Simple".
"That's it??", relieved John.
"Yeah, and now am going to my own brand of investigation to find out the song that she likes"
"Lamar .. I .. I .. ", John's voice was getting progressively squeakier by the minute. He thought it was gratitude, Lamar thought he had a bad throat.
"Aww .. Come on John, what else are friends there for .. By the way, did you finish my Component Oject Model Assignment".
"Rightaway Lamar", slightly guilty John.

D-Day and John was sweating profusely. One cannot really blame him. An hour before the show, Lamar managed to get the lyrics and played the song for him once. If it were a mathematical proof, John would've been able to derive it backwards by now. But Rock Music was a whole new ball game.

"Lamar, I cant do it"
"What??", anger got a new dimension with the way Lamar asked the question.
John couldnt face him, he turned to the side and started "No Lamar, The closest ever I got to music was when I watched the church choir practice on sundays. Now, with all the crowd and Iris in the middle of it, I would be glad to become a deaf-mute for the rest of my life than to go and sing on stage. Lamar ?? Lamaaaarrrr ??".
"...and we present you, the one and only, Joooooooooohnnnnnnnnn Anderrrrrrrrrrrtoooonnnn", Lamar had sneaked through to the stage and made an announcement. On the way down, he whispered, "Dont worry John, my friends are in the crowd. They'd whistle and start clapping and the rest of the crowd would catch up".

John's heart couldnt sit in his cavity and was running all over his body. But one look at Iris's face, it got back to its place and started beating normally. John knew it, he just had to look at Iris, and everything would fall in place. His voice would change, the music would be soothing, things would be in slow motion, and if he really did a good job, Iris would come in running to give him a hug. After all, this is the stuff that movies are made of. John made up his mind. He is going to rock today.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breathinggggggg". A few dozens of the seniors, who were busy talking to their juniors (since they were the only ones who listened to their tales in awe) near the speakers, fell off their chairs. Iris showed visible signs of uneasiness and by the time when he got to "I dont want to miss a thing", the audio managers had run to check if their equipment was allright. If there is no written proof that says John brayed his way through the rest of the song, its because everyone felt that would seriously offend the Donkeys Community.

John wasnt inhuman. He knew he sucked. He had heard himself a million times over in the shower and he knew he hopelessly sucked at this. If a small 6x6 room made him feel his voice was killing, in an auditorium equipped with Surround Sound, he was Genghis Khan. He searched for Lamar, and most importantly the fixed-applause. But the claps promised by Lamar never came. Instead, John felt something that tasted like egg yolk-mixed with tomato sauce on his face. As he wiped off his face and looked to Iris' seat, it was empty. The damage had been done.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...