SageSpeak - All Is Never Lost - V

In a dark, dinghy, smokey room which doesnt have any specific location or a name since it is not going to help the story move forward, two dark figures had just opened a bottle of Premium Scotch.
"So, he is going to kiss Iris, is he", asked a malevolent looking guy.
"Well yes, i have made sure of that", said Lamar with a cigarette perched in between his lips in a strange fashion.
No, Lamar did not make a 180degree turn in a swivel chair, he did not have red/green/blue lights focussed on his face, he did not have a taxidermic leopard in the room and there were no drum rolls to signify that he was the bad guy. He was the bad guy, just that. No frills attached.
"Why are you doing this Lamar", asked Crow who has been given this name since referring to him every now and then as malevolent looking guy is sort of difficult.
"Iris spurned me and there was no better way of getting back to her with this nerd. What more, we get our assignments done as a bonus".
"Whats in it for you this time??", said a sadistacally enthusiastic Crow.
"I've told John to sneak in to the girls hostel and walk up to her room and do the honours. If he gets caught, he gets thrown out of college and Iris loses face. If he gets caught in the act, he gets thrown out of college and Iris loses face. If he comes out unscathed, still Iris loses face. Its a win-win for me".
"I'd pay anything to watch this mayhem", Crow, suprisingly, sounded like a crow.
"Me too".


Lamar and Crow picked the best seats of the auditorium. The dark bushes near the outerwall of the Girls' Hostel. John was entering the hostel through the main gate. For a man who had just gulped 360ml of Whiskey, he was walking surprisingly straight and for a man who was supposed to kiss a girl in her room inside the Girls' hostel, he was surprisingly zany. He was supposed to climb up throught he pipe, thought Lamar. What is he doing walking straight upto the reception ?? Trying to call her down for a kiss or something ??

John stood in the open area outside the vacant portico. As Lamar was planning how John intended to keep his entry, a cry rent the air. "Irrrrrriiiiiiiisssssssssssss", screamed John. It would've woken up Rip Van Winkle. Unconnected to this story, An alien watchcraft that had strayed in for surveillance, got a rude jolt and flew back to its mother ship saying this blue-green planet is full of nazgul beasts, thus Earth was saved from an invasion.

The lights started to come out in random order and the whole of the hostel was waking up, curious to know what was happening. A drunk-looking man, shouting a girl's name, from the portico of Girls' Hostel definitely meant business, and such things did not happen so often. Iris walked into the moonlight and looked up at John.
"Ireeshshsh", John sounded like he had been drinking a gallon of whiskey.
"John, you are drunk and a real lot at that", said Iris in a flat tone.

The whole hostel had gathered by then and was awaiting the turn of events in bated breath. Kathryn was by Iris' side, holding her hands in support. Crow and Lamar were scratching their heads at where all this was going. Iris still had a poker face.

"There is just one thing i gotto say before i leave. No, its not 'I'll be back'. I'm in no mood for bad jokes today. I just wanted to say, among the millions of things that swarm this planet, if there is one thing i truly love so much more than anything else, that the thought of losing it makes me think death would be an easier way out, that is you".

Before he could finish, he saw Iris running towards him. By reflex and going by his past experiences with a "Charging Iris", he decided to beat reatreat and run away as far as he could, and hide in the hills. But somehow his feet broke up its relationship for lack of self-respect in the relationship with the brain, and he stood like a statue. Before he could wriggle out, Iris was there and W-H-A-M. No, slaps given in the cheek were given with the full face of the palm. This was something different, This was soft, in fact very soft, like a peck and it was over before John could say "Abstract Classes Implemented with Templates in A Component Object Model Environment". [ It would've been romantic and easier for the reader if John could have thought about something simpler, but considering the limited areas of interests he possesses, the reader is bound to make it through this excercise. ]

"What took you so long, you brute ??"
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"You didnt have to sing, you didnt have to fight. All that you had to do was to tell me this".
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I know how much you value your mom and the promise you made to her that you wouldnt drink. But today .. today you had to do it just because you wanted to pour your heart .. oh john .."
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I have always liked you .. I have always wanted to talk to you .. I have always wanted to spend time with you .. but everytime i tried, you came up with something seriously dumb to put me off .. but now, seeing how important this whole thing is to you, i cannot hold myself back John".
"bwa ghe wa ??"
"I ..."
"bwa.."
"Love .."
"ghe .."
"You."
"wa".
"Wowwwww", erupted the hostel which was waiting in anticipation.

"Waaaaaaa", screamed Lamar and Crow because they were hit by two blocks of wood simultaneously.
"See David, I told you right, these chicken thieves, they always prowl our poultry by the night .. told you we can catch if we set them up traps right" said Ruffian #1.
"You right Goliath, let us just teach them a lesson to these thieving rascals"
The last thing that Lamar and Crow remembered was being stuffed in the mouth with some cotton. The next morning, even the doctors were baffled at the systematic coloring of their body in a hue of black and blue.

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The Oldest Member cleared his throat like a conductor, "So son, beer can always help when you need the last thrust to put you into orbit". It was too late by then, The beer mug was empty and Arthur was on his feet.
"Shir, dhank yeu".
"But son.."
"I kennot faind wardshsh to dhank yeu faar dha helb dat yew haf daan". Something was not normal, felt the Oldest Member. That was when he saw four other mugs being cleared by the bar tender.
"Were you been drinking ??"
"Shair, Naw Shair", Arthur only had to stand or do something that he felt like was standing and everyone would know if he is drunk or not.
"Baatt I yam goink tho meeit har shair .. raight naaw .. and iye yam going tho thell har everything in mai maind shair .. And Iye wil alweish remeimber yew faar al dha hyelp shair", he didnt even wait for the response and ran away to the door.

The Oldest Member was interrupted by the Barley, the bartender, busy cleaning the mugs. He had a strange curled smile on his lips, "That wasnt how it happened, was it Sir ??"

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