No Point Everyone

Yep, our price has fallen badly. Yep, 1/3 of the earth is land and 1/2 of that land if full of software enginners, so much so that you feel like living in 1984 where everyone is as unique as everyone else. But if you look below the surface, there are still perks at being a software engineer.

One of our greatest powers is the the power to spread misinformation. Sivya Dingh needs an heart transplant ?? A mail that needs to be sent to 10 people within 10 minutes to avoid 10 years of bad luck ?? Microsoft giving 10cents for every recipient of this mail that would buy a cotton candy for a poor child in somalia (of course, with a malnourished somalian kid's picture attached to it) ?? Some poor man suffering from an itchy syndrome which can be cured only if this mail reaches a million recipients ?? Fear not, the software engineer, with his evergrowing address book filled by friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and god-knows-who-they-are is your savior. One mail and it spawns off another 10, each in turn spawning off another 10. You do the math.

Being a software engineer gives you an incredible opportunity to play know-it-all. Imagine a crowd with lot of young women you would kill to impress. Imagine a few suave gentlemen in their best evening dress sweet-talking their way through the crowd with their overpowering knowledge of Literature and Music. Imagine you staring at the stars waiting for your fairy to come down from there. Sucks, doesnt it ?? Fear not all that is required is to spot another bewildered software engineer. With a few knowing glances, a quick message of subterfuge is delivered and they close in on the kill. What follows would be a session of "use your favorite keywords" that would leave everyone else in the crowd gasping for breath, seeing the sheer intelligence of the parties involved. While instantiating a container instance in a .net framework, does one have to continually debug the kernel threads, so that throughput is optimised and turnaround time is minimised or should one ignite a daemon process to monitor the hardware diagnostics from panic-ing ?? The crowd shudders at the depth of knowledge. The gods throw up looking at the quantity of horsesh*t.

Being a software engineer also saves you from having to invest money in a new wardrobe. These days, there are a few that companies double up for Gap/Levis/Duckback/Chudarmani/Viking.
Listed in DASNAQ ?? Release a t-shirt.
Selected as #1 in an unheard-of survey run by a magazine where the company has a controlling interest. Release another t-shirt.
Need a message to boost the morale of people in the team, no, we have had enough t-shirts already, make it a jacket.
We have become an ISE-MMC level 6 company, was it a jacket last time ?? Make it a sweatshirt this time.
Thankfully, they all remain at the periphery of the human physiology and are usually designed with such incorrigible colors, unsuitable sizes and gratuitous messages, you can safely shove them in your trunk without feeling guilty.

Have an awesome restaurant in mind, but your purse looks ultra-thin ?? You need to wait only until the next invitee comes from offshore. The software engineering industry proves that There Is Indeed Something As Free Lunch, giving us our only chance to visit the oberois and TGIFs. To show them a taste of India is what we say, to check out that new restaurant which had glowing reviews is what we actually mean. As the visiting chap sheds tears, partly over the spice and partly at their fate, we gorge on the choiciest items from the menu - in descending order of price.

Last but not least, It gives us the golden opportunity to play arm-chair critic. Sitting in the comfort of an a/c cubicle, with an ergonomically designed chair, and unlimited internet access - the next best thing is to pass judgement on all and sundry. Our favorite pastimes being "Politics is a gutter" (but we dont vote - we take time out to enjoy the holiday after weeks and weeks of monitor-gazing), "India will never improve" (ah, the exchange rate - how i love thee), "Education of children is a priority no one seems to understand" (CRY ?? what is that ?? Isnt it the art of shedding tears ??), "I hate people publicly displaying affection" (and that is strictly applicable only until i find a girl). The keyboard warrior needs no reason to fight, he only needs, by definition, a keyboard. So much for freedom of expression.