NewsReel - The Ossification Outrage

Afraidhe Issues Ultimatum

Dashing opener/middle-order/tail-order/12thman/thug Sickhead Afraidhe launched a verbal assault on the Indian legal system and it's reliance on arcane methods like ossification for determining someone's real age.

Afraidhe, in a special interview with our correspondent Darkha Butt, expressed his dismay over such potentially unpredictable methods. "What if it was an undigested haddi from the mountain goat I had for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks/drinks?", he asked. He also said he was puzzled over the the cost-effectiveness of such methods since there were other cheaper, reliable and 100% trustworthy methods. When asked to explain what they were, he scratched his nose and said "my word. my birth certificate" in that order.

Celebrating his 19th birthday along with his friends, family and a few bookies, Afraidhe expressed his happiness that the ICC does not resort to such unscientific methods. "It would be devastating for me and my friend Rasan Haza if such methods were chosen by the ICC", he said. Rasan Haza, who has been 16 years old since the start of the new millenium, nodded violently. "It really scares me to think that someone will test a mere bone in my body 10 years from now and say I am 29. That would totally ruin my 20th birthday party", afraidhe conculded.

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

NewsReel - The Bisibelebath Brouhaha

News Reel - Where All News Is Essentially Reel

SaiGo Says There Will Be Bisebelebath in Madras

Leading chef SaiGo (Saidapettai Govindasami) thundered that Madras will witness a deluge of Bisibelebath if Bangalore does not desist from spreading that strange red-colored paste inside masala dosais.

Hearing such an outrage against traditional masala dosais, which should technically contain strictly a dosai and some masala, SaiGo also mentioned the minds of the thamizh people had become a "kothu parotta" over this vexing issue. He later said that he actually meant a geographical phenomenon which was also the name of a mid-80s Thyagarajan film.

He recalled the chili-chicken-throwing incident at a Virumandi Vilas outlet recently and warned of further repercussions. Bangaloreans could only make paste-smeared masala dosa, but "here we have people who can make bisibelebath cold and without rice and paruppu. The next generation of youth is not like us", he later told reporters.

Mr. SaiGo said that the mere Golden Quadrilateral between Madras and Bangalore could not permanently prevent the Tamil youth from visiting that city with an anda full of batter. “If sowcarpet can have a Data Udupi Hotel, why can't chickpet have a New Ganesh Bavan??".

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...

NewsReel - The Chicken Conundrum

News Reel - Where All News Is Essentially Reel

Leg Piece Thrown At Mayan
A sick hen, kokkarakko ko, flung a piece of chilli chicken at Mr. Mayan, VP of Virumandi Vilas in protest against the organization's decision not to upgrade the name of chicken 65 to chicken 2009 in tune with modern times.

Mr. Ko threw the piece of chilli chicken during a press conference at the Virumandi Vilas headquarters in Vadipatti when the VP refused to be drawn into a discussion about the change in historic nomenclature. The chicken piece was about to miss Mr. Mayan by a fair margin when he somersaulted in the air and caught it in his mouth to some wild cheering from his organizational comrades.

Mr. Ko was immediately whisked by Hotel security who were reported to be carrying nice round clubs which were topped with nails. Passers-by observed some muffled screaming from the kitchens of Virumandi Vilas and hotel patrons complained of mute whines later in the evening.

Momentarily taken back by Mr. Ko's action, Mr. Mayan insisted on going ahead with the press conference. When asked for his reaction, Mr. Mayan said : "the piece was tasty".

Later, talking exclusive to NewsReel's own firebrand reporter Oorga Butt, Mr. Ko regretted his form of protest. "I usually eat any leg piece that am given and am sad I had to hurl it at Mr. Mayan. The leg piece might be gone, but the issue still remains"

Read on ... (at your own peril, obviously) ...