Life Changers

I received a mail from one of my friends after a really long time, which had some kinda maori subject line. Mail was a decent sized mail, 3-4 kb, and considering the capabilities of the chap in question, i thought it probably overflows with usual information like who is with whom, and who was with whom.

After running through the mail from top-to-bottom, left-to-right, from-the-centre-in-concentric-circles and all other imaginable ways, figured out that it had nothing in the body, apart from a beautiful signature of his. I wish i could simply call it a signature and leave it at that, but that would be unfair. What would you call something, that has a little paragraph of collected proverbs from across the world, his name, his designation, full postal address of his office down to the nearest post office and the biggest road in eyesight from his place of work, his landline number, mobile number, internal voicemail number (whatever that means), emergency number, website url and an alternate email id ?? A signature ?? It just stopped short of turning into a spy thriller. The proverbs were essentially a jumbled maze of choiciest words you can see in a dictionary, from the likes of "cornucopia", "erschatz" and "chutspaw", clinging to each other and frightening the reader and giving him some feeling of insecurity. And if that wasnt enough, it turns out that the maori subject line, which read "hihru", is in fact "hi how are you". Should be in some tongue that was lost because of the big bang or people dont have a PHAFJAE ("problem having acronyms for just about everything").

"There are things that are right and things that are wrong, and in between are the doors of perception", now thatz a signature worthy quote. "Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier", this is a confused statement made by, probably a soap-dish-for-light-saber carrying star wars fan who always makes it a point to say "may the force be with you" instead of a simple "bye". But the real cracker is this one. "Nothing is Impossible, even Impossible says I'm Possible". Eh, what ?? "Woman Hitler" is an anagram of "Mother-in-law". Try some similar worldly pun on the lines of "Impossible, I'm Possible" on your mother-in-law with your wife, and people would have to scrape you from either inside the vaccum cleaner or the washing machine depending on what is available at hand. Punny people, watch out. If all this wasnt enough, check this out. "Even my blood group says B Positive". Thanks, I am so motivated that i could run for the Iraqi Presidency.